Fallen
by Quinn Anderson
Summary: A music related series. Sesshomaru x Miroku. Band: Evanescence. Warning: extreme angst. 3rd Place Best Songfic of the Third Quarter of 2005.
1. Life

_Ah, my first-ever song fic! Banzai, I am very excited. I get to combine the four things I love most: yaoi, Evanescence, Miroku (so hilarious), and Sesshoumaru (so fucking sexy). Mmm, this is going to be sweet. Anyway, this fic includes the lyrics to the song "Bring me to life" off of Evanescence's album "Fallen" which is spectacular, if any of you need a recommendation. _

_Disclaimer: I own nothing, not Miroku, not Sesshoumaru, not Inuyasha, and not Evanescence, though I'd like to own all four._

…

_How can you see into my eyes like open doors?_

'How indeed," Miroku wondered anxiously, dropping his eyes to the floor in shame. He couldn't keep letting this happen, couldn't keep showing such weakness. But how could he not be weak… with _him_ around?

_Leading you down into my core._

_Where I've become so numb._

The demon stood there, indifferent and numb, the epitome of the ice he was so often compared to. Cool beauty, cool expression, cool persona; enough to freeze your flesh. Miroku could hear his friends' voices, but they seemed so garbled—another language entirely. He knew he should be fighting alongside them… but he just couldn't seem to move. The breath-taking demon before him had stolen into his very soul.

_Without a soul._

_My spirit's sleeping somewhere cold. _

So cold. Miroku felt so cold as he stood there, silent and unmoving, just like the demon he was supposed to be fighting. And yet… there was warmth spreading through him. A warmth that he couldn't deny; something fiery and passionate and lustful; something he could never reveal without disgracing himself forever. The only problem was, despite his resolve to never give in… the fire couldn't be denied.

_Until you find it there and lead it back home. _

Miroku started unexpectedly. 'Where have my friends gone?' He could no longer hear their cries, and this abandonment frightened him. He glanced up, shattering the attempts he'd made at keeping his gaze from lingering on the one he so desperately wanted to stare at.

Sesshoumaru was still there, proud and tall and beautiful… so beautiful. And so untouchable. There was no one who could get through that stoic façade, and Miroku was a fool for even hoping as much. The forest around them was suddenly deathly quiet—not just devoid of the sound of his vanished friends, but devoid of all noise whatsoever.

"What did you do to them?" Miroku asked, trying to sound furious but failing miserably. The exquisite creature before him smirked, reveling in the helplessness in his voice.

"There is no need to concern yourself with your feeble friends, monk. They have been… dealt with."

Miroku swallowed thickly. "You couldn't have… you don't have the power to—"

And suddenly, he struck, moving with the speed of a dazzling snowstorm. Sesshoumaru grabbed Miroku by the throat and slammed him into a tree, pinning him there with his right hand. Miroku gave a strangled gasp as he felt the slender fingers encircling his throat nearly crush his esophagus.

How dare you," Sesshoumaru snarled, his warm breath tickling Miroku's ear. "You, a weak and pathetic human, presume to tell me what I do or do not have the power to accomplish? Does a death wish force these foolish words from your lips?" As he spoke, Sesshoumaru's eyes trailed down to the young monk's soft mouth.

He seemed to be studying it as he continued to strangle the air from Miroku's lungs, seemingly oblivious to his frantic gasps and cries. Finally, after an eon that was really only a minute or so long, Sesshoumaru relaxed his grip by the tiniest bit, freeing the human's inflamed airways by just enough to keep him conscious.

"L—" Miroku gasped, "Let me go, Sesshoumaru."

"That's Sesshoumaru-sama, to you, human," the youkai spat. "I can't allow you to leave and return to your friends while you have such disrespectful habits. Even my impure brother deserves better than your blatant insolence. I shall have to teach you the proper mannerisms to use with a youkai lord such as myself."

Miroku's eyes widened fearfully. "What are you going to do to me?" His voice was no more than a rasp. Sesshoumaru's fine lips curled up into the barest hint of a feral smile. "I will hear you scream my name before the end," a whisper as cold as death.

_Wake me up inside._

_Wake me up inside. _

_Call my name and save me from the dark._

Sesshoumaru crushed his lips against Miroku's, startling the monk so much he nearly yelped into the larger man's mouth. 'This isn't happening,' he thought. 'This _can't_ be happening. Sesshoumaru hates humans. He would never…'

And then Sesshoumaru's tongue was in his mouth, warm and probing and sweet. Miroku's eyes fluttered as pleasure washed over him, startling him almost as much as the kiss. What was this he was feeling? This warmth? This warmth rushing through his body, making his skin crawl, making him moan low in his throat.

Surely this couldn't mean what he thought it meant? Surely he didn't… desire Sesshoumaru? And yet, his thoughts didn't resist the idea in the least. He'd always known this desire lay deep within him; he just hadn't acknowledged it until now.

The inu youkai was kissing him roughly, brutally, crushing his lips until blood trickled finely from the corner of his mouth. Miroku could taste the demon's fury as Sesshoumaru delved into his mouth, showing as little mercy as ever.

_Bid my blood to run before I come undone._

Miroku wanted to resist, wanted to pull away and hide in some dark hole in the earth until his shame had finally faded away, but he couldn't. Sesshoumaru held him fast to the tree in a grip like solid iron, and deep down Miroku knew he didn't really desire freedom. He desired the beautiful demon now ravaging his very heart and soul. His body had betrayed him, as it had been betraying him from the first moment he laid eyes on the inu.

_Save me from the nothing I've become. _

Miroku was nothing—one more pathetic human in a world of nothing but other pathetic humans. They had only existed on the earth for a few thousand years, and already they were destroying it. Forests demolished, oceans poisoned, mountains crumbling, deserts forming where once there had been so much life… it was all thanks to the humans who spent their lives slaving away in the mud.

And for what? All that waited for them in the end was death. Death after a few decades of meaningless life. Death alone and abandoned by those who couldn't follow after. Death that left the ones who'd loved you behind with nothing but their sorrow to remind them that you'd ever been there in the first place.

Miroku hated Sesshoumaru; he hated him for being a demon, for being a creature more powerful and wonderful than he; he hated him for being perfect and constantly reminding him of how imperfect he was, how imperfect all humans were. But most of all, he hated Sesshoumaru because he loved him.

He'd always loved him; he'd always wanted him. He'd dreamt about him for weeks on end, imagining what it would be like to sleep in the youkai's arms. It was his fondest wish and his most dreaded nightmare. He couldn't understand these feelings welling up within him. Why did he want the very demon that had tried to steal away his life? His wretched, short, irrelevant life?

Was it because… somewhere in his heart… Miroku knew Sesshoumaru was the only way to keep his life from being just another life? These lustful feelings now surging through his body… could they ever be satisfied? Could Sesshoumaru be his satisfaction?

_Now that I know what I'm without,   
You can't just leave me here._

Sesshoumaru's hungry mouth was still pressed hotly to his, but the youkai had begun exploring other ways of making the monk cry out. His hands slipped down into Miroku's robes, sliding over his flesh until it tingled. Miroku groaned in response and Sesshoumaru couldn't help but smirk. He had expected the human to put up more of a fight, but it seemed he was more than willing to accept the demon's advances.

And that was exactly why Sesshoumaru had chosen him, why he had isolated him from his friends and maneuvered him into this exact situation. He could tell from the way Miroku hid his gaze and the slight flush in his creamy cheeks that he was hiding something, hiding it with all his might. But like all the carnal desires of humans, it couldn't be kept hidden for long.

It was Sesshoumaru's turn to gasp as Miroku returned his kiss with fiery eagerness. The human pressed against him in the most tantalizing way, though he could scarcely move for the grip Sesshoumaru still held him with. The demon growled low in his throat, feeling the lust in his own blood writhe in response to the human's touch. He had wanted this; he had wanted it for so long.

What was it about this one human monk that captivated him so? There didn't seem to be anything unique about him at first glance… but Sesshoumaru had been unable to think of him as just another human. Strange feelings came when he thought about Miroku, strange feelings that a powerful lord such as himself had no right to feel.

He couldn't control it. For once in his life, Sesshoumaru's solid self-control was slipping away from him, and he wanted to know why. That's why he'd done it. That was his only motive. He'd attacked Inuyasha and his company this day with a single objective in mind. He would lure the monk away from his friends with his powerful youki and then he would get to the bottom of this.

He didn't care what it took; Sesshoumaru would go to any lengths necessary to sate the hunger burning within him—a hunger for the feel of the flesh of a human against his own.

_Breathe into me and make me real._

_Bring me to life._

Miroku arched his back and let out a soft moan as Sesshoumaru returned his kiss with renewed vigor. The demon's damnable hands had begun questing all over his body, leaving trails of fire as they went. Suddenly, the hands dipped low on Miroku's body, fondling a part of him that had been neglected for far too long.

Miroku cried out, unable to stop himself as unbearable pleasure washed over him. Sesshoumaru's fingers were surprisingly nimble and skilled, making the human thrash against him in a need for release. Sesshoumaru grunted slightly as the monk's movements brought their bodies rubbing together. In the few intimate moments he'd had with the monk, he'd already become aroused to a point of pain.

Sesshoumaru gritted his teeth, barring fangs as he did so, and rubbed his body against Miroku's, hissing as the contact filled him with luscious friction.

_Wake me up inside._

_Wake me up inside._

_Call my name and save me from the dark._

"Sesshoumaru-sama," Miroku whispered softly against the demon's lips. He was aching inside, aching with a need to feel Sesshoumaru within him. There was a gaping hole in his very being that only Sesshoumaru could fill.

_Bid my blood to run before I come undone._

_Save me from the nothing I've become._

Sesshoumaru let out another grunt as he heard the desperation in Miroku's voice. The human was proving far more intoxicating than he'd first assumed. The inu shuddered slightly against the electricity racing up his spine whenever his skin touched the human's. Finally able to take it no longer, his slid Miroku's robes over his shoulders and let them slip down to the ground, pressing the monk's naked flesh into the tree.

_Bring me to life._

Miroku shivered against the sudden cold invading his skin, but it was quickly replaced by the warmth of Sesshoumaru's body, molding to his as if they'd been made for each other. The inu youkai was removing his own clothes with aching slowness, making sure that Miroku watched his every move hungrily. Sesshoumaru was dead set on making his promise come true. Miroku _would_ scream his name before the end.

"Sesshoumaru-sama," Miroku whispered again, driving a bolt of electricity straight to the demon's groin. "Onegai shimasu (please)." Sesshoumaru's golden eyes met Miroku's for the first time, and it was as if they'd both been frozen in place.

Cold orbs the color of molten gold bored into eyes that looked like brilliant mahogany. It was almost magnetic, hypnotic. Their need was already so great… but it grew even greater.

_Frozen inside without your touch, without your love._

_Darling, only you are the life among the dead. _

Sesshoumaru reached down with nimble fingers and spread the monk's legs, reveling in the willingness with which his human lover exposed himself. He placed a surprisingly gentle kiss on Miroku's brow before carefully positioning himself and sliding in. Miroku threw his head back and let out a groan of mingled pleasure and pain.

This was what he'd always wanted, but the pleasure was overwhelming, blinding him. Sesshoumaru rolled smoothly into him, letting out a soft moan of his own at the delicious tightness of his lover. It seemed his desire would finally be sated, but not before he'd thoroughly ravaged the trembling human.

Miroku clung to him as if he would float away otherwise, moaning and shaking and begging Sesshoumaru for more. It felt so good, so wonderful—better than his every waking fantasy. He cried out louder as Sesshoumaru thrust into him, shaking the tree they were pressed against until leaves fell around them like tiny green fairies.

Sesshoumaru's mouth found Miroku's again as if drawn to it and he pressed their lips together as he continued to move inside the human. Miroku's warm breath caressed his lips as the monk sighed with pleasure, driving Sesshoumaru even further into his lust. The young human bucked and writhed and twisted under him in exactly the right way.

_All this time I can't believe I couldn't see._

_Kept in the dark but you were right there in front of me._

_I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems._

_Got to open my eyes to everything._

Sesshoumaru couldn't believe he'd never realized it before. How could he have missed this thirst building up within him? How could he have not known how much his desire for the monk would overpower him, leave him helpless in the wake of his own foolish passion? Miroku thought he was the imperfect one… but he was only human. Humans were meant to be imperfect… so what did that make Sesshoumaru?

_Without a thought, without a voice, without a soul._

_Don't let me die here._

_There must be something more._

With one final hard thrust, Sesshoumaru climaxed inside his lover, crying out with heedless passion as he felt Miroku clench around him, obviously climaxing, too.

"S-SESSHOUMARU-SAMA!" Miroku screamed, though Sesshoumaru was far from hearing him.

The youkai collapsed onto the forest floor an instant later, bringing Miroku crashing to the ground with him. The two lay entangled together, panting and confused, unsure of what to do next.

Sesshoumaru had gotten what he'd wanted; he'd taken the monk, so why did he feel so unsatisfied? The demon stood suddenly and glanced down at Miroku. The monk was still breathing heavily, limbs splayed across the ground and eyes fluttering softly. Sesshoumaru looked uncertain, as if he couldn't decide whether he wanted to kick Miroku or fall to the ground on top of him once more.

Finally, with a blinding flash of youki, Sesshoumaru suddenly vanished along with his scattered clothes, leaving Miroku alone in the woods—more alone than he'd ever been before.

_Bring me to life._

The end.

_Don't worry, everyone. I don't believe this will be the end of the series, though this is the end of this particular chapter: Life. Depending on the number of reviews I get, I may decide to continue using this storyline in more song fics. Obviously, these two have a lot of unresolved issues in this chapter that future fics could clear up. It all depends on the reviews. Tell me what you think. Should I continue, or leave it be? .:serious voice:. The choice is yours. Ja mata! XD _


	2. Under

_Yay! I am FINALLY updating! Well, the reviews for this story were so absolutely awesome I just had to go ahead and continue it. With this chapter, I think you'll understand the format I'm going for in my story… hopefully. I don't know, I could be more confusing than I think. Anyway, thanks to **Heidi** for warning me about the song fic thing. Apparently, they're people out there who say song fics are plagiarism and would report me for it, so I took the word 'song fic' out of my summary on Heidi'sadvice. Arigatou! _

_Alrighty, this chapter uses the song 'Going Under' by, of course, Evanescence. Not one of my personal favorites, but I still think it has intense beauty and depth. **Warning**: Extreme yaoi and some equally extreme language in this chapter. Also, I know most people consider Miroku's eyes to be violet but… that never really suited me, so I always make them brown (mahogany is my choice word to describe them). Hope nobody minds XD. Enjoy chapter two: Under._

_Disclaimer: I do NOT own Inuyasha or Evanescence, and I absolutely respect and adore the talents of both Rumiko Takahashi and Amy Lee. Wow, what a team. _

…

_Now I will tell you what I've done for you._

_What the fuck was I thinking? _Miroku demanded in his mind, gripping the golden Buddhist staff in his hands until his knuckles turned livid white. _What the fuck was I thinking, giving myself to Sesshoumaru like that? How could I do such a thing? He's an evil, bloodthirsty demon who's tried to kill nearly everyone I care for at some point in time! And I betrayed my friends, for what? A single night of passion? WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING!_

_50,000 tears I've cried._

"Houshi-sama, are you feeling well?" an anxious voice asked. Miroku looked up and saw Sango peering down at him, the light from the campfire playing across her lovely face. This was usually about the time when Miroku would find some sly way to grope the woman showing him such concern, but he just wasn't up for it tonight.

"I'm fine, Lady Sango. Nothing to concern yourself with," he lied, eyes falling straight to the floor in an obvious sign of guilt. Luckily, the exterminator didn't seem to notice anything as she rejoined Kagome and the others. The women were playing some kind of game using strange slips of paper that Kagome called 'playing cards'.

They'd managed to wrestle Inuyasha into the game as well, and from the sour look on the hanyou's face, Miroku guessed he was losing badly. It didn't help that Shippo remained stubbornly at his side, goading the half-demon on with taunts and leers until he was forced to duck and avoid Inuyasha's advancing claws.

The two women hadn't tried to get Miroku into the game, probably deciding there was something serious on his mind from the distant glaze in his mahogany eyes. The monk was grateful for the time alone to think, but a part of him longed for companionship. Somehow, he felt as if he were lying to his companions by just sitting here, acting normal for the most part.

_Screaming, deceiving, and bleeding for you._

It would be stupid of him to just blurt out the fact that he'd let Sesshoumaru, his hanyou friend's brother/arch rival, ravage him in the woods, but that still seemed like that right thing to do. He couldn't just pretend it had never happened.

_And you still won't hear me._

It was eating him up inside. All he could think about was the feel of the demon's claws as they drew hot lines down his bare flesh…. How good it had felt…and yet how horrible this forbidden love was. He didn't need the values of a monk to tell him what he'd done was wrong. Any human could tell you how wrong it was to give in to temptation.

Miroku had told himself that he loved Sesshoumaru, but all he really loved was what Sesshoumaru was: a powerful, beautiful youkai who made him feel things he never thought possible. That didn't make it love.

Love was supposed to come before lust. Sex was supposed to be an expression of love, or a way of conceiving children to caring, nurturing parents. Obviously, these values had taken a turn in modern centuries, but they were still the basic outlines that all people clung to. They were a way of judging behavior, a way to make decisions and avoid regret later.

Miroku had ignored them, and now he was going to pay.

_Don't want your hand this time, I'll save myself. _

Miroku couldn't help but wonder if there was something he could've done to stop what had happened. He knew he had consented willingly, but even if he hadn't, would Sesshoumaru have stopped if he'd told him to? _Somehow I doubt it, _Miroku thought bitterly._ He doesn't seem like the type to give up something he wants for anything. But… why did he choose me? _

Miroku's brow furrowed in confusion. _He's a demon lord. He could have anyone he wishes, any _time_ he wishes. Why would he go out of his way to get me? Why not another youkai, or even a youkai female that could give him an heir? I thought he hated humans… So, why…? _

Miroku shook his head in defeat. He supposed it wasn't possible for a human to understand the inner workings of a demon's mind. Sesshoumaru must have had his reasons, though Miroku would certainly never know what they were. The best thing to do would be to put the experience behind him and seek his revenge the next time they met Sesshoumaru in battle.

_Maybe I'll wake up for once. _

Miroku rose to his feet and stretched leisurely. He would resolve never to think of it again. His passionate night with Sesshoumaru would soon be a thing of the past, no more than a confusing memory. The hardest part would be trying to forget the feel of Sesshoumaru's hot, naked skin against his own. It had been intoxicating to say the least, but Miroku knew he'd get over it eventually.

The monk considered joining his friends in their game now that he'd broken out of his dark mood, but somehow he just didn't feel like it. Night had settled heavily around them, and the stars were looking like brilliant jewels in the black sky. The breeze was cool and refreshing and carried the wonderful scent of autumn leaves and fresh earth.

"It's too beautiful out to just sit around the campfire," Miroku called to his friends. "I'm going to find a hot spring to bathe in. I'll be back shortly." His companions nodded absently, obviously too engrossed in their game to really bothering listening. Miroku smiled and headed off across the landscape.

They'd left the forest long ago and had made it to an area of rolling hills and grassy plains. The only trees around here were scattered and scrawny, though they still smelled wonderful. Large rock formations sprawled across the fertile land like giant, sleeping creatures—slick and black. They were a great place to lay mid-morning after the sun had baked their surfaces to a nice, warm temperature.

Miroku trotted along quietly, searching for the clouds of steam that would signify a nearby hot spring. They'd passed some on the way in, so he knew they had to be around here somewhere. Finally, after nearly ten minutes of futile searching, Miroku spotted a thin trail of steam winding up from behind a slab of jagged rock.

The monk hoisted himself expertly over these rocks, and dropped over to the other side. The loose boulders had formed a crude circle around a pocket of crystalline water, forming the perfect hot spring. _At least now I'll have that privacy I wanted, _Miroku thought with a grin, setting his jingling staff against one of the rocks.

He stripped off his robe in one fluid motion and hopped in the water before the cool night air could send goose bumps creeping along his flesh. The water was nearly scalding hot, and it soothed his tender muscles. Sesshoumaru had left him with quite a few bruises and aches….

_Not tormented daily, defeated by you._

Miroku shook his head vehemently. _I won't think about him again! I just won't. _But even as his mind commanded the thoughts away, more poured in from his memories. He could still taste Sesshoumaru in his mouth, was still tormented by the memory of how good it had felt to have the demon inside him. The thought alone made Miroku shiver.

_Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom._

_Why do I feel this way? _He wondered, the anger in his thoughts replaced with melancholy. _Is there something wrong with me? Is it _wrong_ for me to want him? _Miroku jerked slightly at this last thought. Of course he didn't want Sesshoumaru! But…now he wasn't so sure. It was true, the demon had been an amazingly skilled lover, but was that really enough to make Miroku forget all the torment he'd suffered at the demon's hands?

Sesshoumaru's feud was, honestly, only with Inuyasha, but the inu youkai hated all humans, especially the ones that traveled with his hanyou brother. He would kill Miroku if he had the chance, just as Miroku would've killed him for the sake of his friends. What kind of relationship could they possibly have, if not one based on lust?

_I'm being stupid. It doesn't matter if I want Sesshoumaru; it doesn't mater what kind of relationship I think we could have. I'm never going to see him again outside the battlefield. There's no point in dwelling on something that will never happen. _Miroku reclined back in the scalding water, resting his elbows on the rock behind him.

He was tired and sore and he wanted, _needed_ to relax. The human closed his eyes and let the soothing rush of the water lull him into a half-sleep. He would forget what had happened if it took every last ounce of his sanity. He was so focused on forcing himself to relax, Miroku never noticed the shadow cast over his body when another figured arrived at the hot spring.

This figured looked him over carefully, using Miroku's defenselessness as an opportunity to exploit him. The intruder's eyes roved over his body, narrowing slightly in annoyance when the water concealed all but the monk's muscled chest and arms. He kneeled down next to Miroku, careful not to let the monk sense his presence.

After spending another careful moment looking over Miroku's peaceful form, the figure suddenly reached down and seized the monk by the chin. Miroku's eyes bolted instantly open as he let out a strangled gasp of surprise. He'd been grabbed like this before.

His mahogany eyes were open wide, but all they saw were too molten orbs of gold in an angelic face. Hot lips were pressed forcefully against his, and all Miroku could think was, _this can't be happening again!_

_I'm dying again._

"Sesshoumaru-sama!" Miroku cried against his assailant's mouth, trying not to shudder as lightning bolts of electricity shot down his spine. The demon smiled wickedly. "You remembered my honorific. I'm flattered."

Miroku started slightly and tried to pull away, but strong hands grabbed onto his as tightly as iron chains.

"Why do you draw away from me?" a voice purred in his ear. "You weren't so keen to escape the other night…." Miroku struggled violently against the hands holding him close, though he knew it was futile.

The gods seemed to be taking pity on him, since the tight grip slackened and allowed him to pull away slightly.

"The other night was a mistake," Miroku insisted, staring into the golden eyes of the most beautiful creature he'd ever seen. "I don't know what you want from me, but _I_ want _you_ to leave me alone. Why did you come back?"

"Foolish human," Sesshoumaru spat. "You don't honestly think I feel compelled to tell you anything, do you? I don't care if you understand or not. The fact of the matter is, I was very impressed with you the other night, and I've come back for more."

_I'm going under,_

_Drowning in you._

Miroku pulled farther away, though he knew Sesshoumaru could have him back in a death grip before he could blink. "You can't have me, Sesshoumaru." He was careful to leave off the honorific. "I won't let you do that to me ever again."

"I don't see how you have a choice, little monk." Sesshoumaru's golden eyes had turned to poisoned ice. "There has never been anything in this world that I've wanted and not received. I don't plan on letting you be any different. Besides, you can't resist me, anyway."

_I'm falling forever,_

_I've got to break through. _

_I'm going under. _

Miroku stuttered, "T-that's not true." Sesshoumaru raised a fine eyebrow. "Isn't it? You seemed perfectly eager the other day. You hardly tried to escape me at all. Wasn't that because you didn't want to? Admit it, you liked what I did to you. You enjoyed it almost as much as I did. I bet you haven't stopped thinking about it since."

Miroku was halfway caught between embarrassment and amazement. Everything Sesshoumaru was saying was true, though he could barely believe the stoic demon was speaking so openly. He _had_ been thinking about it, and even as the protests left his mouth, he knew he wouldn't try to stop Sesshoumaru if it came down to it.

_Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies._

_So I don't know what real and what's not._

In an instant, Sesshoumaru had stripped off his clothes and was in the water with him, approaching with the lethal slowness of a cobra. Miroku swallowed thickly and backed away. The ends of Sesshoumaru's long hair trailed across the water like the tendrils of a silver plant. His skin was smooth and taut across rippling muscles. He looked so ethereal…so ghostly beautiful. Miroku felt a shiver slip down his spine, as he looked the demon over. His mind didn't want this, but his body wasn't willing to listen.

_Always confusing the thoughts in my head,_

_So I can't trust myself anymore._

Miroku flinched as Sesshoumaru reached out a hand and caressed his cheek, as if he'd expected to be struck instead. The demon's long fingers were soft and gentle, belying the passion burning in his eyes. Sesshoumaru wanted him, was hungry for his flesh, and nothing was going to get in his way now that he had his prey in sight.

_I'm dying again._

Miroku cried out as he was suddenly thrust back, feeling a body press him hard against the rock. Sesshoumaru's mouth was on his, filling him with an overbearing heat that had nothing to do with the hot spring. The monk tried not to gasp against the pleasure flooding his body as Sesshoumaru's form melded to his. It was almost too much to bear.

The water that rose to Miroku's chest had made his entire body slippery, and he felt himself sliding against Sesshoumaru almost against his will. The demon growled low in his throat every time he rubbed against Miroku, unable to hide the lust building up within him. He slipped his tongue into Miroku's mouth and almost sighed in pure ecstasy. The monk hadn't resisted him, and was now kissing back with vigor.

_What am I doing? _Miroku thought as he massaged Sesshoumaru's tongue with his own, finally slipping it into the demon's own mouth. Sesshoumaru seemed to like the fact that he was taking control of the kiss from the fevered way he thrust his body against Miroku's. _I shouldn't be letting this happen. I still don't even know why Sesshoumaru wants me. I don't care how good it feels; I can't let this continue. _

With a desperate gasp, Miroku pulled his mouth from Sesshoumaru's. The demon was panting heavily and looking at him in a way that made the monk's cheeks flush.

"Something wrong?" Sesshoumaru asked huskily, obviously hinting that there was nothing wrong on his end.

"I can't do this," Miroku replied in a voice that was no more than a whisper.

"Your body says you can." Sesshoumaru rubbed himself against a part of Miroku that had been aching for his attention….

Miroku let out a cry of mingled pain and pleasure. The fact that Sesshoumaru could drive him crazy with a single touch scared him more than anything else.

_I'm going under._

_Drowning in you._

_I'm falling forever._

_I've got to break through. _

"Sesshoumaru, I don't want to do this. I don't love you."

"And you think I love you?" Sesshoumaru's voice was cold and matter-of-factly. "Did you think you meant something more to me than what we're doing now? Did you think there was some divine reason for why I chose you? You were easy to get to, and I could already tell you wouldn't resist me. You want me, and I want you. That's all there is to it."

Miroku bit his lip to hide his sorrow. Sesshoumaru's words were true, but that didn't take the sting away. It made him feel even more like the worthless human in the path of the perfect youkai; he was being used. He was being used and he wanted it nonetheless. Sesshoumaru claimed it was just lust, but really it was the obliteration of Miroku's soul.

He would take Miroku, whether the monk wanted it or not, but Miroku would always want it. He would let Sesshoumaru have his way with him even if it destroyed him. Maybe it would be better if Sesshoumaru could just rape him and leave him be, but that's not what this was. Miroku was not being raped. Sesshoumaru made sure his every touch lit his skin on fire, that his every kiss was like a wave of pleasure crashing through him.

Sesshoumaru would lead him into a climax that lifted his very soul right before it tore it to shreds. He would still want Sesshoumaru even after his lust had driven him to the brink of insanity. It was horrible, this desire coursing through him. It would kill everything he was, and yet he would do nothing to stop it.

Sesshoumaru reached down and pulled Miroku's legs apart, earning a surprised gasp from the monk. The demon was aching to be in him now, and he wouldn't be delayed any longer. Miroku threw his head back and screamed with abandon as he felt the demon slid slowly in. Exquisite, painful, wonderful, horrible, everything he'd ever wanted and nothing he could stand to ever feel again.

_So go on and scream._

_Scream at me, I'm so far away. _

Sesshoumaru gritted his teeth until he could feel fangs cutting into his bottom lip. The human felt every bit as wonderful as ever. Sesshoumaru thrust into him, trying to ignore the memories that came flooding into his mind.

They were memories of the first time he'd taken the monk and how surprised Sesshoumaru had been. The human was intoxicating: the way he tasted, the way he moved, the feel of his skin, the trust in his eyes even as he was ravaged by his enemy. It had all been driving Sesshoumaru slowly mad. The demon had accused Miroku of dwelling on their lovemaking, but Sesshoumaru had been thinking about it just as much.

These memories had made Sesshoumaru's skin tingle until he could concentrate on nothing else. That's why he'd come seeking the monk again. He had to know what it was that enticed him so. He had to know, or he'd never be able to stop himself. Of course, now that he was once again inside the monk, thrusting into the sweet flesh that filled him with such unbearable pleasure, he couldn't see how he'd ever be able to stop.

It wasn't until the last moment, an instant before his release, that Sesshoumaru felt them. Hot tears falling onto his shoulders as Miroku hugged his body close to Sesshoumaru's. Their limbs were so hopelessly entwined, the demon could no longer tell where his body ended and Miroku's began, but he knew what had happened.

Miroku was crying, sobbing quietly against Sesshoumaru's shoulder as the demon thrust into him. Sesshoumaru was utterly confused by this, but had no time to think about it as his climax suddenly overtook him, sending him into a silvery oblivion. He heard Miroku's cry of release match his own, though he couldn't understand how that was possible when the monk had been crying moments before.

He just couldn't understand.

_I won't be broken again._

_I've got to breathe, I can't keep going under. _

To be continued…

_Well, what did y'all think? The words didn't match as well, but the emotions behind them were immaculate, in my opinion anyway. Please review and tell me what you thought. It's going to start getting really depressing soon, though still VERY hot, so be prepared. Ja mata. _


	3. Fool

_Yatta! I finally managed to complete this chapter! It wasn't easy with all my adoring fans breathing down my neck for an update. I know I should be flattered…but really I was just frightened. Ha, kidding of course. –cowers- If you're interested in learning more, check out my livejournal. I'm too lazy to post the link again, so either go to one of my other new chapters, or go to my bio page and click on 'homepage'. Simple, ne?_

_Well, without further ado, on to chapter three of my little song fic saga: Fool. This is using the song 'Everybody's Fool' by, of course, Evanescence._

_Disclaimer: Oi, I don't own Inuyasha, Evanescence, or pretty much anything else in this fic, other than my rather plot-less story line and the angsty emotions that I just love to torture these characters with. I'm so cruel. Dance, my puppets, dance! Bwa ha ha ha._

_…_

_Perfect by nature._

A wisp of silver hair caught in the cool night breeze, wafting through the air like a shred of cloud. Clawed hands reached out languidly and caught this silky strand as easily as one might catch a drifting leaf, tucking it back behind a single pointed ear. Golden eyes flashed with amusement as the silvery lock immediately loosed itself again and joined its brothers, dancing with the other strands against a backdrop of moonlit sky.

Sesshoumaru gazed out the open window of his castle dispassionately, seemingly giving up on his attempts to control his hair. As long as the wind kept up its steady hum, there would be no stopping the silky locks from escaping their usual control.

Sesshoumaru smirked lightly at the irony of it. Control was something the youkai knew well. Nearly every aspect of his life had been carefully monitored almost from the moment of his birth. His childhood had been nearly nonexistent under the pressures of the demon world. He'd spent too much time preparing for his role as his father's successor to really be a child.

Not that Sesshoumaru had minded. Even as a pup he'd been nothing but cold and apathetic to the world. Never once did he forget the words his servants and advisors would whisper to him: he had no equal. He was the son of a powerful dog demon, therefore he was powerful, too. He would rule one day; he would lead all his father's people. None would dare to stand against him.

Sesshoumaru had taken these words to heart and had proved them true as he grew older. No one had ever been able to stand in his way. Competitors had fallen before him like dolls made of straw. And eventually, even his own father had been unable to defeat him. Instead, the great dog demon, Inutaisho, had been defeated by his own weakness, something Sesshoumaru would never forgive him for.

_Icons of self-indulgence._

His father was what Sesshoumaru had modeled himself after for all those years…right up until Inutaisho had died trying to save the life of his human whore. That had been the breaking point. After all the years Sesshoumaru had spent striving to be his father while hiding his ambitions behind whatever icy façade he could find, the former Lord of the Western Lands had failed him. He'd failed as a demon lord, and he'd failed as a father.

His oldest son was ashamed to speak his name, refused to speak his name as it now settled on his tongue like a curse. It had become something vulgar, a glob of bile in the back of his throat. Inutaisho was not the father he'd pretended to be, was not the brilliant lord or ruler that everyone saw. Sesshoumaru alone saw the truth, and he despised himself for it.

His childhood had been hard, undeniably, but he could quietly admit to himself that his life had held much more meaning back when his father was alive. He'd had a purpose then; he'd had something to struggle for. He'd had a reason.

_Just what we all need._

And then it had been shattered.

_More lies about a world that_

_Never was and never will be._

His father had chosen the human and his bastard son over him, Sesshoumaru, his former one and only. Inutaisho had died to protect them, leaving Sesshoumaru with nothing more than a legacy to fill.

_Have you no shame? Don't you see me?_

All his life he'd never been able to understand. Sesshoumaru could never comprehend why his father had done it. Why he'd sacrificed so much—his honor, his throne, his people, his first-born son—all for the sake of a human woman and a half-breed. Insanity seemed to be the only answer. The woman had driven his father insane, and their twisted babe was to blame as well.

Sesshoumaru had taken these wild thoughts and hidden them behind his icy exterior, clutching them tightly to the only part of him that still felt anything at all—his heart. He'd convinced his mind that he no longer had a heart, but that was not truly the case. A part of him, while no longer caring about his father or his death, still yearned to discover exactly what it was that had driven the former demon to such madness. What had driven Inutaisho to take a human as his mate?

_You know you've got everybody fooled._

Sesshoumaru's thoughts suddenly turned to Miroku, a feat that was not uncommon these days. It hadn't been that long since Sesshoumaru had seen the monk last—a few days at the most. And the last time he'd seen him, he'd been splayed out on the surface of the black rocks surrounding the hot spring, panting and shaking from the fury with which Sesshoumaru had made love to him.

A small shiver raced down Sesshoumaru's spine as this arousing scene lingered before his eyes, though the demon showed no hint of his excitement on the outside. Sesshoumaru had assumed that the intoxication of his first time with the human had been a fluke, but the second time had proved otherwise. It had been just as good, if not better, and had left Sesshoumaru feeling dazed for a long while afterwards.

Never before had the proud demon been affected so deeply, and so unexpectedly. His only interest in the human before now had been simple curiosity. He'd noticed how Miroku looked at him during battle, when they were supposed to be fighting to the death. He'd noticed how his own body didn't seem to oppose the attention. That was how he'd formed his plan.

_Look here she comes now._

_Bow down and stare in wonder._

_Oh, how we love you._

His plan seemed only reasonable. The monk wanted him, Sesshoumaru wanted to understand the motives of his father, and he wasn't completely disgusted by the idea of mating this particular human. What it was that made Miroku special was something Sesshoumaru couldn't explain, but it hardly mattered.

He didn't need to understand why he could mate the human; all he needed to understand was what his father must have felt with his human. Once Sesshoumaru could understand that, he'd be that much closer to solving the mystery that had haunted much of his adult life.

And so he'd done it. Sesshoumaru tracked the human down, tore him from his friends, engaged in a few hours of mind-blowing sex, and then left them both aching for more. His quest had been completed, or so he'd thought at first.

Miroku had proven much more intriguing than he'd originally assumed. Sesshoumaru had thought he'd mate the human, confirm the fact that his father must have been crazy to die for such a thing, and then go on with his life. But that had not been the case at all. The human monk had managed to find a way to get under Sesshoumaru's skin.

Miroku's body, his flesh, his lips…everything about him had been infinitely sweeter than the inu youkai lord had thought possible. The taste of him had been haunting, clinging to every inch of Sesshoumaru until it seemed to seep into his blood like the deadliest of poisons. He'd craved it, craved it like the buds of spring crave the first kiss of summer.

So, he'd done the only logical thing he could think of. He'd gone back for more.

Miroku had resisted at first, but who could defy a mighty demon like him? Sesshoumaru had gained access to the fortress of pleasure that was his little monk's body and had nearly drowned himself in those endless depths. It hadn't mattered at the time what Miroku thought. All that mattered to Sesshoumaru was satisfying the hunger now permanently etched into his body.

_No flaws when you're pretending._

Miroku saw his as more than just a demon; he was practically a god. It wasn't in the human's nature to defy such perfection, to deny it. He'd given into Sesshoumaru almost by instinct, regardless of his emotions or morals. And Sesshoumaru had made sure Miroku was well compensated for his obedience. The dog demon had made the human moan like no other had before.

He'd made fire burn from every inch of the monk's soft skin. He'd made his body feel as if it were ripping apart from the pleasure racing through it like a thousand volts of electricity. He'd let him know what it was like to make love to a god.

And yet…

Sesshoumaru couldn't help but feel as if he'd failed somehow. Something had gone wrong, but he couldn't quite pinpoint what. By all accounts, Miroku should have been begging the demon to keep his as a mate, yet he'd refused to even so much as look at Sesshoumaru before he'd left him last.

For all the pleasure Sesshoumaru had brought him, Miroku had not really given into it. He'd let the demon have his body, but considering Sesshoumaru's inhuman strength and ferocity, it seemed there was little else he could have done. Sesshoumaru was the one left with lingering attachments. He hadn't stopped thinking about the human ever since, and the cravings had started up again.

He could feel them in his core, scratching at something fiery and beastlike within him, begging him to let that passion surface and take the monk again. Sesshoumaru would have already given in to the demands of the lusty voice within him if it weren't for two things standing in his way.

The first was his pride, which had suffered a major blow every time the human crossed into his thoughts. The only reason he'd slept with Miroku in the first place was to prove that Inutaisho was a madman for continuing to meddle with humans. Yet here Sesshoumaru was, a half-century later, driven wild with desire for one human monk. How could he possibly pretend to be better than his father after this?

The second was…something that gave Sesshoumaru a strange ache in his chest when he thought about it. The last time Sesshoumaru had made love to Miroku…a second or two before their mutual climax…Miroku had been crying.

Gentle, quiet tears had trailed down the monk's face in the tiniest of rivulets. If Sesshoumaru's senses hadn't been so avidly heightened by their sexual encounter, the demon might not have noticed them at all. But he did, and they left him with the strangest of pangs in his stomach.

_But now I know she_

_Never was and never will be._

It was as if, for a moment, Miroku had seen through the ethereal shroud hiding Sesshoumaru's true self and had discovered that he was indeed being ravaged by a demon, not a god.

_You don't know how you've betrayed me._

Sesshoumaru couldn't really understand the human's tears, but he knew quite well that he was the cause of them. He'd done something to hurt the monk, wound him deeper than any other probably ever had before. Was that the price of the pleasure Sesshoumaru had given him? Would the monk pay for the inu youkai's lust with his very soul?

_And somehow you've got everybody fooled._

Sesshoumaru's pride scoffed at the idea that he might actually care about the monk's feelings, but the guilt aching in his chest refused to go away. Miroku had cried for him.

_Without the mask where will you hide?_

Sesshoumaru wasn't certain how much longer he could hide his feelings.

_Can't find yourself. Lost in your lie._

It was all blending together now: what was really him and what was just his frigid outer shell. Every passing day made it harder to distinguish between the two.

_I know the truth now._

_I know who you are._

_And I don't love you anymore._

Miroku had seen through him, and the thought only made Sesshoumaru more determined to have him. He hated the thought that a meager human had seen through him so easily; he needed to make the monk realize what he was dealing with.

_It never was and never will be._

_You're not real and you can't save me._

But how could he seek out revenge against Miroku…when he knew deep down the monk was the only one who would really understand what he was doing? Miroku would see Sesshoumaru's hate, would see it in the way the demon longed to spill his blood. Sesshoumaru couldn't stand the thought of bearing his soul in such a way. How could he ever face the human again, knowing how easily Miroku saw through his many faces?

Sesshoumaru could not bring himself to hate the human. In a way, all Sesshoumaru could do was envy him.

_Somehow now you're everybody's fool._

To be continued…


	4. Immortal

_I'm so loving the responses this story is getting. I haven't gotten as many reviews as I wanted, but the few I have gotten has been fantastic. I guess quality beats out quantity, and with school just starting for some people we all have less time to review. Still, I expect more this time around or I may never update. That would make us all very sad, I'm sure. Anyways, this chapter uses the song 'My Immortal' by you know who, off of the album you know what. Enjoy, my pretties._

_Disclaimer: Oy…I like…don't own it? What's this? I'm not prepared with some witty remarks for you all? Wow…I swear to drunk I'm not God. _

…

_I'm so tired of being here._

The light from the campfire danced across Miroku's face, throwing his features alternately into light and shadow. _Here I am again, _the monk thought gloomily. _Staring into yet another fire as I try to sort through my life. Why can't anything ever just be easy? _Orange sparks seemed to burst from the dark centers of his eyes as the flames flickered and reflected.

_Suppressed by all my childish fears._

Miroku sighed and closed his eyes, feeling them sting as he realized it had been a while since he'd last blinked. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I don't want to stop thinking about Sesshoumaru, yet every thought makes me more and more ashamed. I love him, and I hate everything that he is. I never want to see his face again, but his face is so beautiful I could stare at it for hours. I can't even go to sleep because I know I'll only dream of him.

The young monk raised his arms above his head and stretched, relishing the tingling feeling that raced along his nerves and through his muscles. It had been too long since he'd spent some time in a village, helping the inhabitants with their daily chores in an attempt to woo their women. He'd never minded joining in, as much as he thought hard labor was beneath him.

There was a certain pleasure that came from working with your hands, a sense of accomplishment; and whatever small troubles he had at the time would always melt away the second he plunged his hands into the freshly-tilled earth. It'd be nice if I could get away from the gang for a few days and travel around the countryside like I used to. As much as I love my friends, there are parts of my old life that I still miss.

Miroku glanced over at his friends discreetly, hoping to watch them without their knowing. Sango had changed out of her exterminator's gear and was sitting next to the fire in her simple kimono with Hiraikotsu spread across her lap. A purring Kirara was curled up in a fuzzy ball on top of the boomerang as Sango brushed her fur.

Shippo had flopped down on the ground next to Sango's feet and was wolfing down a bag of sweets that Kagome had left him before she'd returned home. Inuyasha was off sitting by himself, looking obviously gloomy now that Kagome was gone. The familiarity of the scene gave Miroku the same nauseated feeling that it always gave him these days.

_And if you have to leave_

_I wish that you would just leave._

"I wish I could stop thinking about him for just a moment," Miroku whispered to himself, blinking heavily as the stinging in his eyes brought out hot tears. "If I could just forget about him for an instant, I feel as if I could figure this whole thing out. As long as this secret is my own, I'll never find any peace from it."

"What are you mumbling about, monk?" a loud voice interrupted Miroku's thoughts. The young human jerked slightly and glanced up, feeling panic rise in him as his bright eyes met a pair of golden ones. His heart fluttered slightly before he remembered that these eyes belonged to his friend, not his apathetic lover. Miroku dropped his gaze, ashamed of himself for hoping for a moment that it had been Sesshoumaru.

"It's nothing, Inuyasha. Have a seat." The hanyou dropped onto the ground next to Miroku, looking at the monk from the corner of his eye. He'd never seen Miroku look quite so pale before, or quite so thin. He hadn't been eating much these days, and he was often so out of it he'd stray miles off their path without anyone noticing. It was always a huge pain to go looking for him later, but Kagome had gotten angry when he'd suggested they just leave the monk behind to brood.

Inuyasha rubbed the spot where his back had hit the floor after Kagome had screamed 'osuwari' about forty times in a row. Inuyasha knew it hadn't been very sensitive of him to suggest leaving the monk, but it certainly hadn't been that bad.

_Because your presence still lingers here_

_And it won't leave me alone._

Something must really be bothering Miroku, Inuyasha thought, catching on a little slowly as usual. Everyone else had noticed the monk's odd behavior quite some time ago. It's as if there's something in the back of his mind that just won't leave him alone. He's being haunted by something…but what?

"Miroku," Inuyasha murmured so the others couldn't hear, "If there's something you need to talk about…I'm here." The monk looked surprised at the half-demon's offer. He opened and closed his mouth several times, as if deciding if he should accept or not before finally letting out a long sigh.

"You've probably noticed how distracted I've been."

"Yeah, no shit. I can't count the number of trees you've walked into in the past day alone." Miroku flinched, knowing the hanyou's words were true. He hated to think he'd been so obvious in his conflict that even the dense Inuyasha had eventually picked up on it.

_These wounds won't seem to heal_

_This pain is just too real_

_There's just too much that time cannot erase._

"I…I've been trying to deal with this on my own. I don't think it's my place to involve any of you." Miroku kept his eyes locked on the ground, attempting to hide his discomfort and failing miserably. Inuyasha quirked one eyebrow. "This sounds serious, Miroku. I'm all for handling your problems like a man, but it's okay to ask for help every now and then. If you're in a bad situation you need to tell me about it now while I can still help you."

Miroku's lips became a thin line. It appeared he was fighting against the words that wanted to come pouring from his mouth. In the end, he decided Inuyasha was right. Even though the hanyou might hate him for it, he had to tell someone what had happened.

"Inuyasha…do you remember when we fought your brother not too long ago?" Miroku asked, ignoring the heavy feeling that the words left on his tongue.

"Yeah, I remember every encounter with that God-forsaken bastard. What're ya bringing him up for?"

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears_

_When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears_

_And I've held your hand through all of these years._

Sesshoumaru was never a brother to me, Inuyasha thought bitterly. Their childhood together was a subject that always made him want to punch something until his knuckles bled. All those years and his brother had never stopped hating him, cursing his existence as if he didn't deserve to live. As if he didn't deserve the very air he breathed. Inuyasha had been just a child through most of it, alone and fatherless, unsure of his place in life. How many times had his older brother made the child in him cry?

"Inuyasha, the reason I bring up your brother…" Miroku hesitated, not wanting to just come out and say it. "I just wanted to know more about your relationship with him." The monk flinched as this lame excuse came tumbling from his mouth. He quickly convinced himself that he just needed more time to think of the right words and then he would make his confession. Until then, he did honestly want to know more about Inuyasha and his brother.

_But you still have all of me._

"Not a day goes by when I don't think of that bastard," Inuyasha growled, grinding his teeth in a way that made Miroku cringe.

"Why, Inuyasha? Why do you two hate each other so much?"

"Trust me, the hate was all on his part at first. From the moment I drew my first breath he did nothing but despise everything I touched. He was the reason our father died before I could even meet him. Inutaisho lived long enough to give me a name, then he was defeated in battle thanks to the wounds that my brother gave him."

Miroku's eyes widened slowly as he drank in every word. Inuyasha had never told him this story before. "How do you know all this if it happened when you were a baby?"

"Parts of it were told to me by my mother…and parts of it I heard from Sesshoumaru's own mouth." Miroku gasped, but before he could ask more questions, Inuyasha continued, "He used to come visit my mother and I in the village we took refuge in after my father's death. If you could call them visits, that is.

"If he was in a killing mood he would destroy a few houses. Since everyone knew what I was, they made the connection between my mother and I and Sesshoumaru, and we were always blamed for the deaths. Sesshoumaru was crafty about it. He killed just enough to make the villagers hate us, but not enough to make them kick us out and let us escape their wrath. We had nowhere else to go, so we were forced to stay there and endure the punishments they gave to us."

Miroku's eyes were now wide open with horror. This was a side to Sesshoumaru he'd never seen before.

_You used to captivate me by your resonating light._

He'd always known Sesshoumaru-sama, the proud warrior who defeated his enemies as if they were made of rice paper. Now he was meeting Sesshoumaru, the man who tormented a human woman and her half-demon pup simply because he could.

_But now I'm bound by the life you left behind._

Sesshoumaru, what am I going to do about you? Miroku wondered as he listened to Inuyasha's tale. The hanyou had suffered more at the hands of his brother than he had even at the hands of Naraku. And the bite had been all the deeper coming from his own blood.

"All I ever wanted was for him to love me," Inuyasha suddenly whispered, and Miroku was startled by his openness. "That's what I cared about most. Even when I hated my brother, I wanted to love him. I wanted to find some good in him to cherish and cling to. I wanted to find some shred of his heart so I could convince myself that he would one day love me. But that heart doesn't exist. It's stupid to hope for the love of a man like Sesshoumaru. It's like hoping that someday the moon will become as warm and nourishing as the sun, instead of just being a frozen hunk of rock."

_Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams_

_Your voice, it chased away all the sanity in me._

"The saddest part of it all," Inuyasha concluded, "is that even through all this, I still hope that someday Sesshoumaru's heart will melt. That the moon in him will be so overcome with light that it will burst into flames and warm his very soul. I hope that someday my brother will be filled with love. I think everyone deserves to feel that at least once in their life."

Miroku was, needless to say, speechless. Never would he have guessed that such thoughts could come from Inuyasha, such emotional, insightful, compassionate thoughts from someone who always seemed so harsh. The monk no longer feared to say what he needed to say.

With tears coursing thickly down his face, Miroku turned to Inuyasha and said, "I agree with you Inuyasha. It's foolish to hope for the love of a man who feels nothing for anyone but himself…but that's what I've done. I hoped for your brother's love like a fool."

Inuyasha looked startled. "What do you mean?"

"You're…" the words escaped him, then came rushing out, "you're brother led me away from all of you…that day when we fought him. While we were alone, he mated me, claimed me for his own. I thought it would end there…but he came back for me later and took me again. I told myself that I didn't want it, but in the end I couldn't resist. Not just because he was stronger, but because I did want him, too."

Inuyasha's mouth was hanging wide open, and Miroku took advantage of his silence to continue. "I don't know why your brother chose me. I'm not even sure why he would lower himself to do the one thing he always claimed he would never understand: mating a human, but he did. As much as I regret it, I can no longer pretend that it didn't happen. He mated me, and I let him. I know I'm being used; I know he will never think of me as more than a toy…but still…I…I may have fallen in love with your brother."

_These wounds won't seem to heal_

_This pain is just too real_

_There's just too much that time cannot erase_

_It's happening again, _Inuyasha thought. _Sesshoumaru has found another way to hurt me, even after all this time. He still knows exactly how to cut me deepest. First he took my father. Then my childhood. Now…he's trying to take one of my best friends from me. _Inuyasha felt a horrific surge of anger wash through him like a mighty river. His hatred for Sesshoumaru grew until it nearly blinded him, and with it came a new hatred. He hated Miroku for falling so stupidly into his brother's trap. Absolutely despised him for being too weak to break away, as Inuyasha had had to do himself.

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears_

_When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears_

"I can't protect you anymore, Miroku." Inuyasha's voice was calm and even, though the fury in his eyes was pure enough to still a raging serpent. "You're on your own from now on. Don't expect me to understand your weakness. Just get out of my sight." Miroku's eyes widened in shock. He hadn't expected this at all.

Inuyasha, of all people, should have understood why he'd let Sesshoumaru do what he did, yet the hanyou looked utterly murderous. _I don't understand…why won't Inuyasha help me? _And then the answer became clear to him. Inuyasha had loved his brother despite everything he'd done, but that hadn't kept the hanyou from fighting him with everything he had. Inuyasha had encountered the same weakness as Miroku, only he'd been strong enough to defeat it for the sake of his loved ones and his revenge.

Inuyasha was angry with Miroku for betraying him to the one person who'd taken more from him than anyone else. And now he would have nothing more to do with him.

_And I've held your hand through all of these years_

_But you still have all of me. _

"I—Inuyasha," Miroku whispered tentatively, but Inuyasha sprang to his feet before he could say another word.

"I said get out of my sight!" The roar that escaped from Inuyasha startled Sango, Shippo, and Kirara so much that all three fell to the ground.

"Inuyasha, what's wrong!" Sango shouted, her eyes darting back and forth between the two males in bewilderment. Tears were streaming down Miroku's face, and Inuyasha was glaring at the monk with all the ferocity he could muster.

Miroku rose slowly to his feet. "Inuyasha, I'm sorry I can't stop loving him, even after everything you told me. I know it's wrong; I know what a horrible person I am, what a horrible friend…but you should understand how I feel. He…He's not that easy to forget."

_I tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone_

_And though you're still with me_

"I forgot him," Inuyasha snarled. "If you actually cared enough to think with something other than what's between your legs you might forget him too." Miroku's face fell into a look that was halfway between utter despair and unending rage. Without another word, he turned around and sprinted from the campsite, leaving a whirlwind of confusing in his wake.

_I've been alone all along._

To be continued…


	5. Breath

_We're getting near the end here, folks. There's not much else to the plot of this fic…and I'm running out of songs that I can use .:nervous laughter:. If there's one drawback to songfics…there has to be a useable song before you can write one…_

_Anyways, this chapter uses the song 'My last breath' off of the album 'Fallen' by Evanescence. I do adore this song…but then, I love all their songs. They need to make a new album before I wear my old one to shreds (yes, it is possible to shred a CD. That's why I don't have the White album anymore.)_

_Also, I've made quite a few forums since my last update. I'll post a link to them at the end of this chapter, along with a link to my ever-popular livejournal._

_Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha, Evanescence, or the creative genius that has been poured into these song lyrics, just the inspiration that I managed to pull from them. And I'd like to remind you that if you report me for this…you'll never know the ending. _

…

_Hold on to me, love. _

_You know I can't stay long. _

Miroku ducked quickly as a branch flew up in his path. Harsh needles slashed into his cheek, and he felt warmth trickle down his skin. He had cuts all over his face by now, but he couldn't have possibly cared less. He'd been running for what seemed like hours. He refused to stop. He refused to listen to his screaming muscles as they ordered him to slow down. He couldn't feel the pain. He could no longer feel anything. He had to get away. He couldn't stay here anymore, though he was yet to figure out exactly where 'here' was.

He heard the words again in his mind. The lies he'd spoken to his friend to try and convince himself that he wasn't as bad as he seemed. "_As much as I regret it, I can no longer pretend that it didn't happen. He mated me, and I let him. I know I'm being used; I know he will never think of me as more than a toy…but still…I…I may have fallen in love with your brother." _It was a lie, and Miroku knew it. He didn't love Sesshoumaru. He couldn't.

_So why did I say all that? _Miroku asked himself, desperately searching for an answer. _I was lying. I had to have been. But why would I say that? It can't be true! I'm not in love with Sesshoumaru! I won't let myself fall in love with a demon! _Tears spilled from Miroku's dark eyes, hard as he tried to stop him. The frantic feeling had come back. The same one he got every time he remembered how Inuyasha had shunned him, how his hanyou best friend had turned him away.

"Not that I can blame him," Miroku whispered between ragged gasps. _I betrayed him in the most profound of ways. I let my lust affect my judgment. I let Sesshoumaru get under my skin, and then I hid it from everyone until it was too late to do anything about it. I…I don't know what I feel anymore. _"How could I have fallen in love with a murderer?"

_All I wanted to say was I love you and I'm not afraid. _

Miroku's foot caught on a loose root. He yelped with surprise as the ground suddenly hurtled up before him, snatching the air from his lungs. He groaned in pain as roots and loose rocks jutted into his flesh, ripping at him through his robes. It took all his strength just to flop over on his back and try to catch his breath. His lungs burned from lack of oxygen, and filling them was almost as painful as leaving them empty.

He couldn't concentrate on his health right now. All he could think about was the horrible mess he'd gotten himself into. Inuyasha would surely tell the others why he'd run off, and then they'd all hate him. Sesshoumaru was their enemy, and no matter how tempting he was, Miroku never should have become involved with him. The demon had used him—body and soul—and the monk had gladly accepted the abuse.

How could he let his heart get in the way like this? Miroku was only human; humans grew attached to things so easily…. Why didn't he see this coming? Why didn't he realize that he would grow attached to Sesshoumaru? He'd lusted after him for so long…then finally, the object of his lust had been his.

He'd been stupid. He'd let his emotions run away with him. He'd let himself see Sesshoumaru as an angel, a god even. He'd lied to himself until he'd been almost convinced that his feelings were okay. It was okay to lust after his enemy. Sesshoumaru was, after all, just a demon behind the perfect image Miroku had given him. Demons were lustful, vicious monsters. They didn't matter, and neither did anything they felt or thought. They were mindless killing machines. So, what did that make Inuyasha, one of his best friends?

How could he blame Sesshoumaru, the angel-turned-monster in his eyes, yet still claim to love Inuyasha as a brother? What excuse did that leave him? Who did he have left to blame but himself?

Miroku had lied again and again, and now he was finally paying for it. Sesshoumaru didn't want him, his friends didn't want him…he didn't even want himself. His sobs filled the air, and the one prevailing thought in his mind was that no one cared enough to hear his sorrow.

_Can you hear me? _

_Can you feel me in your arms? _

His soul was shredding within him. His relationship with Sesshoumaru had started the threads unraveling. His confession to Inuyasha had pulled them a little more. They'd come apart completely the moment Miroku had seen the look of utter disgust on Inuyasha's face. Whore. That's what the hanyou's eyes had screamed at him. You're nothing but a dirty whore, Miroku. You're a demon's plaything. You're lucky he didn't tire of you and let his claws drink from your blood.

_Holding my last breath._

_Safe inside myself, _

_Are all my thoughts of you. _

Miroku lay in the dirt for a long time, hugging his chest hard as he fought to keep his sobs inside. He couldn't cry anymore. He couldn't run anymore. Where could he possibly go? Who would want to help him? He had nothing and no one left. He'd never realized before how empty his life was until he'd lost it all. How had he gotten along before Inuyasha and his friends, before his quest to find the Shikon no Tama? What meaning had his life held?

None. He'd had no meaning before. His meaning had always been someone else's. Everything from the curse in his right hand to the fight against Naraku had started with someone else. He'd just tagged along, having nothing better to do. He'd always just been the sidekick to some greater hero.

And then Sesshoumaru came along. A beautiful, seductive demon claimed Miroku as his own. Finally, the monk had something that no one else had had before. He'd loved the way Sesshoumaru made him feel. He'd loved the demon's power, his beauty, the lust in his eyes, yet Miroku had never admitted that he loved Sesshoumaru as a whole. It had always been just bits and pieces at a time. The demon had bewitched him; it was the only explanation. Sesshoumaru was responsible for tearing apart his life!

Miroku shook his head. No, he couldn't hold the demon accountable. Perhaps it was fated that all this would come about. Perhaps Miroku was meant to lose everything for the sake of the one person who had ever made him feel alive.

_Sweet raptured light_

_It ends here tonight. _

"I would have welcomed him," Miroku whispered. "If he had come to me again, I would have welcomed him, and it would have been the death of me. If I'd seen Sesshoumaru one more time, I would have finally lost it: the last shred of my sanity. Sesshoumaru may be a youkai, but I'm the real monster here. I can't really decide who was using who, but I know this: I can't go on any longer; I can't stand it; I won't do it anymore."

Miroku rose to his feet, slowly, painfully. "I know now that I was in love with Sesshoumaru. I loved everything he was and everything that he made me feel, but I just can't do this anymore. I've been shamed and dirtied. I don't deserve this life, this life that I've been trying to save for so long. I won't let myself see another sunrise." Miroku surprised himself with his own calm. His voice was level and smooth, with no trace of fear or indecision.

He knew what had to be done, and it would be done before the dawning of the next day.

_I'll miss the winter_

_A world of fragile things. _

_Look for me in the white forest,_

_Hiding in a hollow tree (come find me). _

No one would come to look for him. They'd decide they were better off without him. No one wanted him anymore. Sesshoumaru would find someone else to sate his lust, someone who deserved him more than the filth that Miroku had become. The monk would end it all; he would slip from the earth without even leaving a ripple behind. No one would mourn his death. There would be no one to miss him when he was gone. Tears streamed down his face as he thought of all the things he'd leave behind. He wiped his eyes furiously. _I don't deserve them anyway. _

_I know you can hear me._

_I can taste it in your tears. _

Salt filled Miroku's mouth as his tears slid down the corners of his lips. He couldn't control them anymore. He sobbed silently as he walked slowly forward, not really sure where he was headed. Something seemed to be guiding him, though, for soon he came to a small forest lake. High cliffs rose around it, and its water was calm and clear. The plants that grew on the water's edge were filled with healthy green leaves. Moonlight shone on the surface like liquid silver metal.

It was such a beautiful scene. Miroku decided to destroy that beauty with his last act on earth. Maybe, if someone ever stumbled across his lifeless body, he would look as beautiful as the lake. His face would be peaceful, his frantic heart would finally have calmed. Maybe he would look happy.

_Holding my last breath,_

_Safe inside myself,_

_Are all my thoughts of you. _

_I'll take them with me, _Miroku thought. _All my fears, all my memories, all the shameful things I've done, and everything I wish I could take back. I'll take them all with me until there's no trace of me left. _Cold water rushed over his feet as he stepped into the lake. His movements were sluggish but held no hesitation. In a few minutes it would all be over. He could finally rest. He wouldn't have to live with all this pain ever again. No one would remember his shame. He'd be free from it. And all he had to do was keep walking.

_Sweet raptured light,_

_It ends here tonight. _

The water was at his knees now. It was pleasantly cool, despite the chill in the night air. He would have loved this lake if he'd found it some other time.

_Closing your eyes to disappear,_

_You pray your dreams will leave you here. _

Miroku shut his eyes tight, blocking out the beautiful scene around him. He wondered if the afterlife would be as beautiful as this. He doubted if he would get to find out. Suicide was a high sin. They would never let a killer like him into heaven. He didn't deserve heaven anyway.

All he'd ever wanted was to be loved. All he'd ever get was torment and death.

_But still you wake and know the truth,_

_No one's there. _

No one would come to rescue him. No one cared if he died. He'd hurt them all, all of his friends and the man who'd been his lover. He could never have given Sesshoumaru what he needed. He would have taken everything from the demon, the man he loved. He had to die now, before he caused anymore suffering.

_Say goodnight,_

_Don't be afraid. _

The water was to his chin now, and he plunged his head under. The clear liquid swallowed him up, embedding him in its diamond-like interior. He exhaled until his lungs were empty, and slowly his body sank to the sandy bottom. His nerves were on fire, screaming for oxygen, but he ignored their pleas. It was so close. The end was so near he could feel it in his throbbing heart. Everything was fading away. He couldn't feel the cool water. He couldn't feel his pain. His thoughts were distant and hazy. Eventually, they went away all together.

The last thing that entered his mind was a single word: Sesshoumaru. He called out for the demon in the silence of his mind, and his plea was answered with just that—silence.

_Calling me, calling me as you fade to black._

Everything had faded away. There was nothing but darkness now.

Then there was nothing at all.

To be continued…

_This is not the end, folks! Try not to flame me too badly while you're waiting for my next update. And check out my livejournal and forums. They're kind of important this time around. _

Livejournal: http/ www . livejournal . com/users/hieiaijin1410/

Forums: http/ www . fanfiction . net/f/671396/


	6. Over

_Well, jeez, the plot bunnies seem to be running rampant in me lately. I thought I was going to end this fic within a chapter or two, but it just didn't feel right to leave this off without using every song on the album 'Fallen', so I went ahead and wrote a few more chapters. There will be eleven, if you can't tell, which means we're past the halfway point. _

_I was pleased with how upset my last chapter made you guys, but obviously there's a twist on the way, or I couldn't possibly write anymore. Be sure to review, or I could change my mind and end this story where I'd planned. That would mean no more yaoi! Links will be provided at the end to my livejournal and my forums. Enjoy chapter six: Over, which uses the song 'Taking Over Me' off of the album 'Fallen' by Evanescence. _

_Disclaimer: I own it not, sadly this is true. _

…

_You don't remember me_

_But I remember you. _

Sesshoumaru was growing impatient. Fast. His body hadn't tired in the slightest these past few hours, but his mind was humming with more anticipation than he could stand. His thoughts refused to quiet down, no matter how hard he tried to contain himself. _I don't know what's gotten into me these days, _he thought bitterly. _If I ever manage to find that monk again, he'll pay for forcing himself into my life like this. _

The demon shook his head at this last thought. He had no one to blame but himself. Miroku hadn't forced his way into anything; it had been the exact opposite. The human had tried to escape from Sesshoumaru's advances numerous times, but the demon had been relentless. Now, he was forced to pay the price for his lust as thoughts of Miroku continued to invade his mind.

Sesshoumaru had set out looking for the monk sometime around midnight, determined to find him and figure out exactly what it was about Miroku that continued to pester him so. The inu youkai couldn't claim that he hated thinking about the human all the time. His thoughts were always pleasant and usually went so far as to include a delicious erotic fantasy for him to dwell on. Regardless, it disturbed the Lord of the West to find himself so preoccupied with a human. He knew that if he could just find Miroku—take him into his arms, make love to him again, hear his sweet cries—all his confusing feelings would drift away like twilight mist in the breeze.

He couldn't be certain how he knew, but he did. Being with Miroku seemed to make everything clear. He didn't worry about his people when he was with the monk, nor his duties, his father's tarnished memory, his bastard half-brother, his uncertainties…. None of that seemed to matter when he lay in the arms of his lover.

Sesshoumaru stopped short. _When did I decide to start referring to the human as my lover? _His shimmering golden eyes remained cool and distant as they gazed off into the abating night, showing none of the doubt that he felt inside. Everything seemed to be changing so quickly. Why couldn't he just forget Miroku?

_I lie awake and try so hard_

_Not to think of you. _

Sesshoumaru found no rest while he was parted from the man he'd taken for himself. His thoughts went through a constant cycle: Miroku, his lust for the human, his father, his father's whore, his half-brother, his pride that screamed at him to stop the affair before he dishonored himself beyond repair. As stoic as he appeared on the outside, Sesshoumaru could not stop himself from raging on the inside. He no longer felt like he had any control over his life.

_But who can decide what they dream?_

_And dream I do…_

No matter where Sesshoumaru went, he could not escape the path that fate had laid before him. His dreams were invaded with visions of the monk: his smiling face, the sound of his laughter, the heat of his flesh, his moans, his face scrunched into ecstasy as Sesshoumaru made love to him…. The dreams ran together and blurred into a writhing mixture of passion and shameless lust. The inu youkai couldn't stand to fall asleep anymore. He needed to understand what was going on. But to do that, he needed to find the monk.

_I believe in you._

_I'll give up everything just to find you. _

Sesshoumaru's molten eyes swept to the lightening horizon with contempt. He'd been searching for hours, yet any sign of Miroku continued to elude him. The demon lord had expected to find him curled up at the campsite of Inuyasha and his pathetic gaggle of companions, but instead Sesshoumaru had found utter chaos. Two dark-haired females had been screaming like banshees at his brother, accusing him of chasing Miroku off. Inuyasha had been desperately trying to explain himself, but the females would not hear him. The one whom he'd heard his brother call 'Kagome' repeatedly sent Inuyasha smacking into the dirt with the help of some kind of spell.

Whatever the case, it was obvious Miroku had been driven from the campsite; Sesshoumaru consequently lost interest in their arguing. For a brief moment, he'd wondered what Inuyasha could have possibly done to make Miroku angry enough to storm off, but the thought hadn't lingered for long. Sesshoumaru didn't care to dwell on the actions of his idiotic brother, now or ever. His thoughts remained always locked on the one person who had somehow managed to climb into the recesses of his heart.

I_ have to be with you, to live to breath _

_You're taking over me._

Sesshoumaru's nose twitched slightly as it locked onto a new scent. There was moisture in the air, probably from a waterfall or some form of lake. That was of little interest to the demon; what interested him was the fact that he could plainly detect Miroku's smell along with the water. Sesshoumaru smirked. _Perhaps the human is bathing. It'd be such a pity to let him bathe alone… _With a shiver, the youkai greedily recalled the last time he had caught Miroku in such a vulnerable position. The meeting had been…heated, to say the least. Unfortunately, with this tantalizing memory came a flood of dread. Sesshoumaru remembered the tears that Miroku had shed for him that day, though he wondered if the human had bothered to remember himself.

It had been such a fleeting moment of grief—so much so that Sesshoumaru had spent hours afterwards convincing himself that it had happened at all. The Lord of the West hadn't stayed long enough to really burn the image into his memory. The human's tears had given rise to such strange and powerful emotions within him that he could no longer stand to be with Miroku—the one person whom he knew would read his emotions immediately. Sesshoumaru couldn't let his weakness be seen, even by himself. As much as it had hurt inside to do so, he'd left Miroku alone: shocked, naked, and suffering.

He'd cursed himself later for his cowardice, though he knew that if he'd stayed he might have done something rash. Sesshoumaru was known for his cool head and icy demeanor, but all of that seemed to evaporate when faced with Miroku. He simply couldn't keep his apathetic persona in place. Everything about the monk screamed at him to stop hiding, stop living for the memory of his father, stop acting like he was happy with his life. But he was happy, wasn't he? Sesshoumaru honestly couldn't tell anymore. Miroku seemed to know everything about him, simply from looking into his eyes.

_Have you forgotten all I know_

_And all we had? _

His life before he'd taken Miroku as his own seemed so pointless in comparison. He'd never really accomplished anything. The empire that he ran was grand, but it was only so thanks to the toiling of his father, the former Lord of the West. He was admired by plenty and scorned by plenty more, but none of these beings knew enough about him to truly hate or respect. In truth, he had accomplished nothing short of the death of thousands. If his own life were to be extinguished, Sesshoumaru doubted it would create more than a single ripple, gliding away from the world at its center, farther and farther until it was forgotten completely.

The only one who had ever seen him as more than a murderous demon clearly wanted nothing more to do with him. He'd used Miroku like the wretched creature he was. It was in his demonic nature to take what he felt was entitled to him. He'd taken Miroku, abused him, and left him alone, again and again. It had never even occurred to him to consider the monk's feelings; he'd simply acted on impulse. And now he was being punished for his selfishness. It would destroy them both before the end—Sesshoumaru knew it somehow. And now that Inuyasha had allegedly chased Miroku off, abandoning him for reasons that were unknown to the inu youkai, there would be no one left to mourn either of them when they died.

Sesshoumaru's light footsteps quickened as he approached the lake that held Miroku's scent. The demon could already tell something was wrong with this scene. It was too still, too perfect, unbroken by the sigh of the wind or the tremors of little animals as they scurried through the underbrush.

The demon scanned the area for any dangerous youki that might be causing the strange tension in the air, but he sensed nothing. In fact, he started as he realized that he couldn't even sense the faint human energy that should have been coming from Miroku. Sesshoumaru hastily pushed aside a group of thick ferns and peered into the clearing before him.

A beautiful lake rested picturesquely in the center of the enclosure, surrounded by bright flowers, sweet smells, and green growth. The gray of pre-dawn had settled over the region like a blanket of hazy dreams, making every sparkle of light against the water seem magnified in comparison. Sesshoumaru took a moment to appreciate the beauty of the scene but was interrupted when he noticed a dark blotch in the center of the lake.

He stared at it for a long minute, his golden eyes uncomprehending, and then suddenly he knew. That's why the area was so quiet. That's why he couldn't sense the monk's energy. There was no energy left. Miroku had drowned.

Not even the slightest motion came from the monk's limp form as he lay facedown in the water. There were no air bubbles to indicate breathing, nor a single mark or drop of blood to show that a struggle had preceded his death. It was as if the monk had simply walked into the breathtaking lake and….

"Did he…?" Sesshoumaru murmured quietly to himself, needing to break the heavy silence around him, "did he kill himself?" As this shocking realization slowly absorbed into his mind, Sesshoumaru found himself sinking to his knees at the edge of the lake. He couldn't understand why this upset him so much. He'd seen thousands of deaths before, most of which had been caused by his own hand. Why did this death tug at his heartstrings so?

By all accounts he should have been happy. Miroku was dead, ergo all his problems would soon go away. He couldn't fantasize about the human if he no longer existed, and he certainly couldn't shame himself by mating Miroku if there was no Miroku to mate.

What was this wetness sliding down his cheeks?

_You saw me mourning my love for you_

_And touched my hand. _

_I knew you loved me then. _

Sesshoumaru raised a hand to his cheeks and felt warmth there. He was crying. Crying for the first time since he was very small—too small to even understand the reason behind his tears. The situation was the same now. The demon lord could not begin to fathom why he kneeled here at the edge of a lake, mourning the death of a human who had caused him nothing but confusion and shame. He hadn't even mourned the death of his own father.

_I believe in you_

_I'll give up everything just to find you. _

Before Sesshoumaru knew what he was doing, he got to his feet and strode into the water, heedless of how calm and soothing it felt. He could not be clamed. By the time he reached what remained of Miroku, the water had climbed easily to his broad chest. He turned the shell of a body over and admired the monk's empty face. His eyes were closed, peaceful-looking. Almost as if he'd shut them for a moment and had fallen into a dreamless sleep. His face was beautiful and milky white—deathly so—but not chalky or tinged with blue. That part of death hadn't come over him yet.

Sesshoumaru ran a hand gently down Miroku's face, feeling every curve even as the icy cold of the dead flesh made him shiver soberly. The only time Sesshoumaru had seen Miroku look so exquisite was the first time they'd made love—when his cheeks had been flushed with color and his eyes full of uncertain anticipation. He'd been an innocent virgin and a dark seductress at the same time, using his shy moans and skillful touches to drive Sesshoumaru wild. His skin had been so hot compared to how it was now, so alive and silky. The youkai bit his lip as another wave of unidentifiable emotions crashed through him.

_I have to be with you, to live to breath. _

_You're taking over me._

Sesshoumaru couldn't understand why Miroku had done it. But at the same time, deep in his heart, he'd known this would happen. He'd known from the moment that he'd returned to Miroku after their first sexual encounter that this could not possibly end well. Humans and demons might as well have been on entirely different plains of existence from each other. Sesshoumaru's father had been killed as a result of his tampering with a human; what made Sesshoumaru think his case would be any different? As he'd said before, this thing would destroy them both before the end.

"But why did it have to be this way?" he whispered to Miroku's empty face as he pulled the human to shore. He laid Miroku down on the soft white sand and ran a lazy hand through his dark hair. "I can't help but feel as if this is all my fault. This Sesshoumaru has never before cared for another being, but you seem to be the exception to this rule." Sesshoumaru spoke to Miroku's corpse as if the human would sit up at any moment and respond. "I've let fate rule my future once again. If I hadn't left you, if I hadn't let your pathetic friends chase you away, you might not have taken something so precious from the world."

Sesshoumaru's words were becoming increasingly sentimental—a first for him. He convinced himself that he had gone temporarily mad and was able to preserve his pride as he poured his heart out. "Even more importantly, if I had never forced you into this relationship in the first place, we both would have been better off." The demon's heart ached as he said this, as if trying to disprove the words, but he silenced it forcefully. He would not stop blaming himself for this death. The unspilled blood of the drowned human would saturate his skin for as long as he lived. Miroku's ghost would follow him wherever he went.

_I look in the mirror and see your face_

_If I look deep enough. _

Sesshoumaru's hand stopped in its path through Miroku's hair. The monk's face was unchanged, still not touched with the classic signs of death. The demon's breath slowed to a crawl as his thoughts suddenly sprang into action. If Miroku wasn't beginning to look dead yet, he might not have died that long ago. The clearing had been quiet enough when he'd first arrived to indicate that the animals were yet to recover from the shock of having a human invade their territory.

Sesshoumaru's hand flew to the hilt of his healing sword, Tenseiga. He drew it in a flash of movement and raised it over Miroku's body, praying that his thoughts were right. There was still a chance that he wasn't too late to save the human's life.

The inu youkai nearly growled with joy when his youki revealed messengers from the underworld crowding around the human's body. They appeared to be almost finished with the process of removing Miroku's soul, but they could still be stopped. Sesshoumaru killed them all with a greedy flick of his wrists, watching anxiously as Miroku's half-extracted soul began settling back into its vessel. The demon lord thought his pounding heart would explode as he waited for any sign of life.

"Please," he prayed, though he barely knew how to pray, "please, live. I won't be able to go on if you don't."

And it was true. If Sesshoumaru could not save the monk's life after ultimately causing his death, the inu youkai would kill himself and follow the human to hell. It would be the end of the great and powerful Lord of the West—undone by a human, just like his father before him.

_So many things inside that are_

_Just like you're taking over. _

To be continued…

_GAH! That has got to be the most evil cliffhanger I've ever created! Well, I had a hard enough time writing this chapter, so I feel absolutely no motivation to write the next one. If you want it, you'll have to review. Or else. Here are links to my forums and my livejournal:_

Livejournal: http/ www . livejournal . com/users/hieiaijin1410/

Forums: http/ www . fanfiction . net/f/671396/


	7. Haunted

_Reviews this time around were greatly improved. I can't tell y'all how much I love to say that. As promised, here's my lovely little update, in which you will finally find out if Miroku lives or not. Granted, nothing's certain yet, but this should do much to appease your curiosity, gentle readers. Also, **just to warn you**, there's some serious innuendo in this chapter, so be prepared. This chapter uses the song 'Haunted' off of the album 'Fallen' by my favorite band of three years, Evanescence. _

_Disclaimer: the lyrics featured in this songfic are by no means of my creation. I'm merely borrowing them, and the characters involved, in order to create an angsty, sexy fic, which will hopefully bring me many raving reviews from hot-and-bothered readers._

…

_Long lost words whisper slowly to me._

_What is this voice in my head…? _Miroku wondered groggily as his ears pounded with the noise. He couldn't be certain how long he'd been floating in this dismal black nothingness, but now the void around him was being penetrated by some incessant sound. The noise was familiar to him, calling a name that he recognized, but every time his mind came close to understanding what the voice was saying, the knowledge slipped away like a seashell swept off in the tide.

A strange feeling was swallowing him now, filling his entire body with light. He felt the broken bonds in his fragile form come together again; his mind and soul reconnected with the previously empty shell. Miroku gasped wildly as his eyes suddenly snapped open, forcing life into him. His heart seemed to explode with pain as it suddenly started beating again, frantic in his chest. The monk clutched at his heart and throat, struggling to comprehend this new life charging through his veins. _What happened to me to put me in this state? Everything was so calm before, but now there's nothing but burning light. _

Miroku realized vaguely that the painful light was a fresh, dawning sun. The human gazed down at himself confusedly. His robes were soaked, his hair had come undone, he was covered with sand, and…he was still alive…

"Miroku." The monk nearly jumped out of his skin as he heard his name being called. _That's the sound I heard when I was buried in that blackness…_ Miroku's thought trailed off and he raised his eyes, following the direction of the sound to its source.

His eyes widened with a mixture of fear and reverence as he stared up at the creature towering over him. The new rays of dawn cascaded over Sesshoumaru like a golden blanket, bathing him in sparkling light. His eyes blazed with an emotion that made Miroku shiver slightly, and his angelic face held a smirk that belied his innocent appearance.

_Still can't find what keeps me here._

"Welcome back, Miroku," Sesshoumaru purred, making heat rise up in the human's cheeks. The second the demon's words reached his ears, Miroku suddenly realized what must have happened. His eyes darted to Sesshoumaru's right hand, and sure enough, the mystical healing sword Tenseiga was there and glowing with youki.

"You…saved me…" Miroku whispered brokenly, eyes fixed on the sword in his lover's hand.

"No need to thank me." Sesshoumaru suddenly sheathed his sword and knelt beside Miroku, taking the human's chin in his hand and tilting it up until their eyes met.

Miroku knew the youkai intended to kiss him and tore his chin ruefully away. "What makes you think I'm going to thank you? I didn't want to be saved!" The human turned his face away to hide his blush. He'd gone into that lake for a reason…he hadn't intended to return. _Of course, _he thought silently, _that was a stupid decision made out of agitation and distress… I'm glad I didn't succeed. _He shuddered at the thought of what would have happened if Sesshoumaru hadn't appeared. Nonetheless, he hated the thought of the proud demon lord seeing him in such a state. He was so embarrassed he wished he could sink into the sand below him. _I'm just another pathetic human after all…_

Sesshoumaru's eyes narrowed in slight annoyance, and he grabbed the human's chin again, forcing Miroku to look at him. The demon could read many different emotions in his lover's eyes: anguish, shame, disappointment…and a hint of deceit. "There's something you're keeping from me," Sesshoumaru stated blandly, leaving no room for argument. "I know you're not stupid enough to end your life for no reason. Why did you try? Was it Inuyasha who upset you enough to lead you to such an extreme?"

Miroku had to force his mouth not to drop open in surprise. The lovely inu youkai had read him more easily than any other had before. He might as well have shouted his innermost thoughts to the heavens. Sesshoumaru smirked at his surprised look and bent down to whisper silkily in his ear, "I've been looking for you all night, my little human. How do you think I found you here? I stopped by the camp of my useless brother first and heard him arguing with those females about you. Tell me…what did he say to you?"

The demon could guess fairly well what Inuyasha had said from the pained expression that suddenly came over the monk's handsome face. It was something Miroku was obviously reluctant to reveal. Sesshoumaru's mouth hardened into a thin line as all manner of strange emotions came rushing into him. He hated the hurt in Miroku's eyes, hated the haunted look that clouded those once brilliant pools. The human looked hollow and filled with anguish.

_When all this time I've been so hollow inside._

In that moment, Sesshoumaru wasn't really certain what he felt. His apathy was quickly melting away, but his pride refused to relinquish it completely. He wanted to kill Inuyasha for causing Miroku so much hurt, but he wanted to kill Miroku for any number of reasons: for making his heart flutter so, for making him lust after a human, for making him question himself for the first time in years, for frightening him beyond all reason when he saw the human's body lying in the middle of the lake…. Even though he knew the monk was still here on earth with him, he felt this need to clutch Miroku to his chest and never let him go.

_I know you're still there. _

_Watching me, wanting me._

Miroku had to turn away from the heat of Sesshoumaru's eyes on him. His spine was overcome with chills every time those lustrous golden eyes turned their passionate gaze on him. The human felt comforted by the inu youkai's presence every bit as much as he felt threatened by it. He cared for Sesshoumaru as deeply as he despised him for upsetting his previously tranquil life. Yet, through it all, he could not bring himself to regret the demon or their haphazard shell of a relationship. He wished above all else that he had the strength to pull himself out of the dark, seductive pit that Sesshoumaru had dragged him into.

_I can feel you pull me down. _

"Miroku…" Sesshoumaru cupped his chin again and pulled the monk into a sitting position, "you still haven't answered my question." Miroku flushed the tiniest bit, still not recovered enough from his near-death experience to manage a proper blush. What did Sesshoumaru expect him to say? He couldn't just come out and tell the demon that he'd confessed his love for him to his half-brother. Miroku didn't think those words would ever be able to pass his lips in Sesshoumaru's presence…'I love you.' It just didn't seem possible.

On top of that, the Taiyoukai would be furious with Inuyasha for turning Miroku aside and nearly getting him killed. The human understood his demon lover's aggressive nature well. He probably looked at Miroku as nothing more than territory, and Inuyasha had crossed the borderline into somewhere he didn't belong. If the monk ever pinpointed Inuyasha as the reason for his foolish death wish, his former best friend would experience the full wrath of the Lord of the Western Lands. As upset with the hanyou as Miroku was, he couldn't wish something like that on anyone.

_Fearing you, loving you._

_I won't let you pull me down._

"Sesshoumaru-sama," Miroku began, hesitating. "I…I can't tell you what happened back at Inuyasha's camp. It's a private matter between my best friend and myself. I hope…I hope you understand." The human braced himself, ready for Sesshoumaru to launch an acidic verbal attack, or possibly even a physical one. But the onslaught never came. Miroku glanced over at Sesshoumaru to find the inu studying him closely. His face was as cool and composed as ever, adding to his otherworldly beauty.

Sesshoumaru's mouth suddenly twitched into a shadow of a smile. "I understand."

Miroku blinked with surprise at the demon lord's words. "You do?"

The youkai nodded. "I do. This time."

A hint of a threat lingered in Sesshoumaru's words, and Miroku did not miss its meaning. In the future, the demon would expect answers from him, and he would expect them promptly. This time, however, it was Miroku's turn to ask a question. "Why were you looking for me? I can't even remember how long it's been since…" The monk's face flooded with color as he suddenly recalled what had happened between them during their last meeting. Sesshoumaru seemed to remember, too, from the look of the satisfied smirk on his face.

"I went searching for you for a very simple reason," the demon responded, his smirk widening minutely at the apprehensive look that came over Miroku's face. The human's thoughts were so easy to read at times…. "I have been having these…_cravings_ lately. I was hoping you could do something to appease them." Miroku's body shivered involuntarily when he heard the subtle lust in the Taiyoukai's words. Sesshoumaru had always had that kind of power over him—the ability to arouse him with the simplest of words or touches. What he failed to realize, however, was that Sesshoumaru's passion for him had obviously evolved to include a new emotion. The hungry look in his golden eyes was no longer just a hunger for flesh. The demon had craved Miroku's company every bit as much as his body.

Miroku was too busy avoiding Sesshoumaru's gaze to notice this, however, and merely blushed ever brighter. _Of course that's why he came searching for me. That's the only reason Sesshoumaru ever wants to see me—to use my body. I guess I should be grateful I threw myself at him, otherwise I'd be dead right now. _Somehow, these morbid thoughts did _not _comfort Miroku. If anything, they made him determined to leave this encounter with his dignity intact. With a sudden burst of confidence, Miroku rose fluidly to his feet, brushed the sand from his robes, and managed to neatly tie his hair back up. He'd left his Buddhist staff back at the clearing with Inuyasha, but he supposed he could do without it for now. He turned to Sesshoumaru and stared at the floor as he said, "I thank you for saving my life, Sesshoumaru-sama. I was foolish to try and end it. At the moment, I'd like to get some rest and recover my strength. Perhaps we'll see each other again after that."

In one amazing display of willpower, Miroku turned around strode straight from the clearing, eyes still riveted on the ground. If he'd looked at Sesshoumaru's beautiful face even once, he knew he wouldn't have been able to leave. His mouth morphed into a triumphant smile the second he was far enough from Sesshoumaru to no longer sense his commanding presence. "Yatta!" he exclaimed under his breath, strangely proud of himself. He'd managed to defy the powerful spell Sesshoumaru had over him, though for how long he couldn't tell. The monk shook his head, clearing out all thoughts of the demon. "As much as I loathe to go near water right now, what I really need is a bath. The smell of his youki is still clinging to me. If it stays on long, I'll find myself wandering back to him."

_Hunting you, I can smell you—Alive. _

Back at the lake, Sesshoumaru was still sitting by the water's edge, as motionless as a figure carved from pure ivory. He couldn't understand why Miroku had walked away from him…after everything Sesshoumaru had gone through to save him. The Taiyoukai supposed Miroku was still recovering from his brush with death and whatever Inuyasha had said to upset him so fiercely. "Leave while you can, little human." A cruel smirk passed over Sesshoumaru's lips. "You can never escape me for long. Your flesh has been one with my flesh—your heart with my heart. I can sense it every time my presence makes your heart flutter. I feel you in everything I do. You will not be alone for long…."

_Your heart pounding in my head. _

…

Miroku let out a high-pitched yelp as he plunged into the icy cold river, shivering immediately. His robes had been carefully washed and hung on a nearby tree branch, and now it was his turn. The monk had been reluctant to enter the water at first, but upon realizing how foolish he was being, he'd decided to jump right in. And now, here he stood, his arms wrapped tightly around his naked, trembling body as he waded in until the water covered his waist.

He stood still for a few minutes, waiting for his body to adjust, and then slowly eased the rest of himself into the water. He plunged his head under quickly, ripping the tie from his hair, then immediately stood up again, restraining yet another yelp as the cold hit him like a brick wall. _Maybe this wasn't such a good idea…_Miroku shoved his impromptu thoughts aside and began the process of cleaning himself as quickly as possible.

He became so absorbed in the act, he hardly noticed the flash of youki in the air until it was snuffed so suddenly it had obviously been masked. Miroku stiffened, freezing in place. _Did I really just feel…? _He stopped. He knew what he'd felt. There was definitely a demon nearby, one powerful enough to mask his demonic energy. Miroku was a split second away from running to the shore and grabbing his clothing, when suddenly he realized the brief flash of youki was familiar to him….

"Sesshoumaru?" The human jerked with surprise when he heard his voice say what had been in his thoughts. He hadn't actually intended to say the name aloud, but now that he had it hung in the air like barbed wire, tense and ready to shred everything in its path. Miroku's eyes carefully scanned the shoreline. He could see no sign that anything had changed since he'd begun his bath, but that of course meant nothing. He began to wonder if he'd imagined the abrupt flash of demonic energy, or that he could be wrong in guessing who it belonged to…but…something just didn't feel right.

A chill slipped up his spine that had nothing to do with the cold. Before Miroku could convince himself of his own paranoia, he felt a hungry gaze slide over his flesh, as if someone watched him from the shadows. The gaze was as hot and tangible as an actual hand.

_Watching me, wanting me. _

Miroku froze again, unsure of what to do. Should he say something? Should he demand that the onlooker reveal himself? Should he run for his clothes? The monk debated for no more than an instant, finding himself completely unable to concentrate as long as he remained under the heat of the eyes on his body. "Sesshoumaru…" he whispered, knowing in his heart that it was his lover who watched him from the shadows. In a way, the demon was being kind to him. He knew the monk needed space and was respecting that, though not in the traditional way….

In truth, all he was doing was making Miroku feel raped.

_I can feel you pull me down._

_Saving me, raping me. _

The demon had saved him, only to plunge Miroku back into the deep waters of despair. He hated this feeling of being spied on against his will, hated the helplessness that came with it. Most of all, however, he hated the fact that knowing Sesshoumaru was watching him was enough to arouse him.

Miroku's cheeks flamed up as he felt a familiar hardness growing between his legs. There was nothing he could do to stop it at this point; his thoughts had already carried him away into one of the most erotic fantasies he'd ever had. _What would it be like if Sesshoumaru were with me right now? _he wondered as his hand began to slide slowly down his stomach. _Would it be anything like the last time we met? Would it be better? Would he kiss me, touch me, make love to me? Would he make me scream? _

Miroku shuddered as his fingers brushed against his arousal, already stiff and engorged with blood thanks to his thoughts. For a moment, the monk forgot the fact that he was being watched and gently stroked himself, eyes fluttering shut as soft moans escaped from his lips. "Sesshoumaru…" Miroku whispered again, gritting his teeth as his touches became more demanding. He could see what the demon would do to him, could envision it perfectly in his mind's eye. Sesshoumaru's silky hair would brush against his bare flesh, his hands would caress every inch of him, his mouth would delve into his so deeply….

Miroku moaned again, louder, and took a nearly brutal grip on himself as he began to pick up speed. With the way his thoughts were going, he wouldn't last much longer. "Sesshoumaru!" he cried again, panting and gasping with need. He imagined it was his lover touching him this way, his mouth enveloping him and sucking on him powerfully. He could see Sesshoumaru's vivid eyes as they gazed up at him with burning passion. He could imagine what those full lips would look like wrapped around his arousal…bringing him so much pleasure…

With a cry, Miroku finally reached his peak, shouting his love's name with wanton abandon. He collapsed into the water a moment later, no longer feeling the cold. His body was shaking and his breath came in short gasps. He'd done that to himself plenty of times before…but never had it been so…real.

Miroku had been too caught up in his pleasure to hear that a similar cry had joined his at the moment of release. Sesshoumaru lay on a tree branch not far from where Miroku had hung his clothes, breathing heavily from the force of his own release. He'd only intended to watch Miroku in order to make sure he was safe…but then…

The human had started touching himself. And he'd moaned Sesshoumaru's name again and again while doing it. The demon's groin had flamed immediately up in response to his lover's actions, and he'd found himself unable to resist the immense pleasure waiting for him. His eyes had been riveted on Miroku the entire time, unable to look away as nimble fingers danced along Sesshoumaru's hard length. It had to have been the most erotic sight the inu youkai had ever seen.

He sighed with frustration as his body willed him to get more. Even now, as he watched Miroku panting in the water, struggling to recover from his orgasm, Sesshoumaru was growing hard again. _The last thing he needs right now is to be crowded, _he reminded himself, though his eyes lingered on Miroku's naked body for a long minute afterwards. In the end, Sesshoumaru slid stealthily from his tree branch and was gone in an instant, convinced to return to his lover as soon as possible and make love to him properly.

_Watching me._

To be continued.

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	8. Tourniquet

_Update at last! Sorry about the two-month wait, y'all, but as you can tell from my other author notes, I've had a lot going on. Tons of extra fics to work on, revisions, homework, college-level exams…It's been a nightmare. But, here is my update at last, and I hope you enjoy. This chapter is entitled 'Tourniquet' and uses the lyrics from the same, off of the album 'Fallen' by Evanescence._

_Disclaimer: You know the drill. I don't own, so you can't sue. Amy Lee rocks, as does Takahashi-sensei._

…

_I tried to kill the pain,_

Miroku hovered uncertainly on the edge of the clearing, debating with himself. One voice argued: _You can't approach them again after what happened. Inuyasha will surely have told the others by now. None of them will want to see you again! _Another quickly retorted: _Don't judge your friends so harshly! They love you. They would not let something like this come between you! _

_But only brought more._

_I lay dying,_

He growled. _This is what I get for being so stupid. I can't believe I put myself in such danger and had to be rescued by Sesshoumaru! Even if I wasn't in my right mind, nothing should have driven me to such an extreme measure, especially not some demon. I can't believe I let Sesshoumaru see me in such a weak state. I can't believe I ran away from my friends. How could I be so stupid?_

_And I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal._

He shook his head in frustration. Back and forth. Back and forth. He'd convince himself to enter his friends' campsite, then immediately come up with a thousand reasons why he should just turn right around, the first and foremost being Inuyasha's claws. He couldn't say how long he'd been standing there, just out of view of the campsite. He could feel the heat from a banked campfire, but couldn't see anything through the thick brush. The only sounds that reached his ears were those of the forest: chirping insects and snapping twigs. Nonetheless, he still knew through some strange sense that his friends lay before him, ready to condemn or accept.

_I'm dying, praying, bleeding, and screaming._

The dark, velvety sky of night loomed up above him, moonless and starless, as if trying to unnerve him further. He raised his chin, staring into the inkwell sky as if he wished it would swallow him up. _If you don't hurry and get this over with, it'll be too late. You can't hide from them forever. _Finally, one voice won out. Miroku inhaled quickly and set his teeth, preparing silently for what could turn into an all-out screaming contest.

_Am I too lost,_

_To be saved?_

He pushed his way through the last of the underbrush and stumbled into the clearing. His mouth was open slightly, ready to combat whatever stinging insults might be hurled at him, but he never got the chance. One sweeping glance of the clearing was enough to tell him that he'd taken longer to build up his resolve than he'd thought. Kagome lay curled up near the banked fire with Shippo asleep in the crook of her arm. Inuyasha was sprawled over a nearby tree branch, snoring contentedly. Sango was sitting on a rock, her back to Miroku, but the monk could tell from the bobbing of her head that she was just now drifting off. A purr came from her lap, and he guessed that Kirara was curled up in it.

With a sigh, Miroku let his eyes wander over the scene. His friends' peaceful faces were both reassuring and heart-wrenching. None of them looked as if they'd spent any time worrying about his absence at all. They slept soundly, even the ever-alert Inuyasha. Still, the monk couldn't say he wanted his friends to worry about him. He could remember times after his father had died when he'd wanted nothing more than for someone to be with him constantly. He couldn't wish that feeling of loneliness on anyone, not even if Inuyasha and the rest did end up rejecting him.

_Am I too lost?_

Miroku turned slowly around, hoping to sneak out of the campsite without disturbing anyone. _It'll be better if they never know I was here. I'll have to retry tomorrow…_

"Houshi-sama?" Miroku flinched as he heard a voice call out to him. He whirled around and saw that Sango was not as asleep as he'd thought she was. She'd turned around to face him, her dark eyes blinking weariness slowly away as Kirara stirred in her lap. "Miroku, it _is_ you. Where have you been all this time?" Her voice rose as she spoke, and Miroku flinched again, fearful that she would wake the others. He quickly strode over and clapped a hand over her mouth as gently as he could.

"You must be quiet, Sango," he whispered, his eyes pleading with her. "I don't want the others to wake up and see me here." The demon exterminator considered him for a moment, then nodded slowly. Miroku released his hold on her and stepped back, offering a weak smile.

"I don't know why you ran away the other day," Sango continued in a whisper, "but we've all been searching for you frantically. Even Inuyasha. He won't tell us what you two fought about, but he regretted it the second you stormed out of the clearing. This is the first time any of us have slept since then, and that's only because Kagome demanded it."

Miroku's heart should have warmed at these words, but somehow it was only growing colder. _How could I have done this to the people I love most? While I was off nearly killing myself and fooling around with some murderous youkai, they were searching frantically for me. I don't deserve their concern. _

_My God, my tourniquet,_

_Return to me salvation._

"Miroku?" Sango's voice again broke into his thoughts. "Why do you look so troubled, houshi-sama? Everyone will be happy to see you again."

The monk made a split-second decision, one that he couldn't be certain he wouldn't regret later. "Sango, you must not tell any of them that I have been here."

The demon exterminator's eyes snapped wide open. "How can you say th—?"

Miroku again clapped his hand over her mouth. "There's a lot going on here that you don't understand. Hell, even I don't understand it all right now. Things have gotten so…complicated. All I know is I can't stay with you right now. I have to leave."

_Will you be on the other side,_

_Or will you forget me?_

Sango worked her mouth free of his hold, and, to Miroku's immense relief, kept her voice lowered. "This has something to do with your fight with Inuyasha, doesn't it?" Her eyes were harsh and demanding. "If you don't talk to me, I can't help you. I thought you cared about me!" She froze for a moment, as if shocked by the words that had come from her own mouth. Her eyes stared directly into Miroku's for a moment, and then lowered when she saw no softness there.

He sighed. "I do care about you, Sango…more than you will ever know. I love you, but I just can't be certain of what kind of love I have for you." Sango flinched, as if he'd struck her, but Miroku continued. "The truth is…I've been with Sesshoumaru all this time." Sango's head snapped up in surprise. She gawked at him for a moment, her cheeks filling with color. "Surely you don't mean…?"

Miroku nodded slowly. "Yes, he and I have become lovers, though not of the traditional sort." Sango gave a dry bark of laughter. "You can say that again. How did…? When did you…?" She stopped, utterly unable to form a coherent sentence.

"It doesn't matter when or how it happened. What matters is I have a lot of feelings right now that I shouldn't be having, and I can't be certain of any of them. The one thing I am certain of is this: I love you all too much to continue hurting you. I need to sort out my life on my own. For too long I've relied on Inuyasha's strength, Kagome's kindness, your wisdom…. No more. I will not return until I settle this myself."

Sango's eyes were downcast again. "And what of Sesshoumaru? How do you feel about him?"

Miroku opened his mouth as if to answer but quickly shut it again. His feelings for the youkai seemed to change every day. Finally, he decided to answer as honestly as he could. "Sesshoumaru saved my life, and for that I owe him dearly. I'd like to believe that I love him, but he is a creature that would never accept nor acknowledge my love, as far as I can see. I'm not sure if it's possible to love with no hope of reciprocation. Such a thing is undeserving of the title. Still, I know in my heart that even if I were never to see him again, I would yearn for him every day. If he were to die, my heart would rend until I would surely die as well. If he were to spare me even the slightest, most insignificant of glances…I would know what it is to feel alive."

Miroku paused for a moment, thinking over his own words. He hadn't even been aware of how intense his feelings were until he'd voiced them aloud. He was surprised when he heard a small chuckle come from Sango. He glanced over at her and saw she had a queer smile on her face. Her eyes danced with amusement as they met his.

"I'm not disappointed by your feelings, houshi-sama, and I hope someday they are returned by the one you feel them for. It sounds to me like you understand the situation better than you give yourself credit." A wry smile crossed Miroku's face as he thought, _No, Sango, it is clearly you who understands better than I ever could. _

Suddenly, the girl climbed to her feet, upsetting the neko youkai in her lap, and threw her arms around Miroku's neck. The monk stiffened for a moment, unaccustomed to the feel of someone besides Sesshoumaru touching him, but quickly relaxed.

"I'm sure you'll be fine, Miroku," Sango whispered into his shoulder. "You'll figure it all out and you'll return to us, I just know it." She pulled back slightly and gave him a mock glare. "I'll be angry if you don't. You'd better find us again eventually."

Miroku gave her an innocent smile. "I could never stay away from a woman as beautiful as you for long, my dear." The hand he'd placed on her waist slid deftly around to stroke her backside, and he was somehow comforted by the familiar gesture. Even more comforting—and painful—was the feel of Sango's hand connecting with his face in a vicious smack. He gritted his teeth against the pain, then let out a contented sigh as the throbbing in his cheek reminded him of a hundred memories he'd made in the short time he'd been with Inuyasha and the rest. _I'll never be able to stay away for long…_

He pulled back and straightened his robes. "Promise me, Sango, that you won't tell the others I've been here." The demon exterminator nodded and cocked her head thoughtfully to the side. "You won't be able to hide your scent from Inuyasha, but as long as you don't tell me where you're going, I won't be able to reveal it to the others."

Miroku let out a half-hearted chuckle. "Not even I know where I'm going, so I couldn't tell you if I tried. All I know is I have to find my own way, and I _will_ find you all again. You can count on it."

_I'm dying, praying, bleeding, and screaming._

Sango gave him a soft smile and another hug, knowing he would keep his hands to himself this time. "Hurry back to us, Miroku. But first, hurry to your lover. I'm sure he's waiting for you somewhere."

_Am I too lost,_

_To be saved?_

The monk shivered slightly as thoughts of Sesshoumaru entered his head. He could still remember the chills he'd gotten simply from feeling as if Sesshoumaru's eyes were on him the last time they'd met. The beautiful Taiyoukai was able to do things to him that he couldn't explain, things he _needed_ to explain. Miroku would not stop until he'd found the answer to every mystery he had concerning the youkai. Why had he saved the human's life? Why had he let their relationship become more than a once-in-a-lifetime encounter? Did he know of Miroku's feelings for him?

_Am I too lost?_

The monk shook his head to clear it of his confusion. He wouldn't find the answers here, and the others could wake up at any minute. Miroku knew for a fact that if he saw the love and hope in their eyes, he'd never be able to leave them again.

_My God, my tourniquet,_

_Return to me salvation._

"Goodbye, Sango," he whispered, turning away from her before he could change his mind. He knew what he was turning his back on: good friends, a good woman, the chance at a happy life. His infatuation with Sesshoumaru was indeed an intoxication thing. Now that he'd let the inu under his skin, there was no way to remove him without leaving a scar.

_My wounds cry for the grave,_

His heart had been greatly injured in so short a time. He'd gone from being a carefree monk to thinking of himself as nothing more than a worthless whore for a time. Before he could ask his friends to forgive him, he needed to forgive himself. He needed to heal.

_My soul cries for deliverance._

"Goodbye, Miroku," was the whispered reply that followed him as he left the clearing. The second he stepped back into the circle of trees, a cold drop of water landed on his face. He looked up to see dark rain clouds had gathered above him, solemn and menacing. His mouth turned into a thin line at this ill omen. From the looks of it, he could expect Sesshoumaru to show up any minute and kill him personally. The sky seemed to be telling him to give up now.

_Will I be denied? Christ._

Would Sesshoumaru abandon him? Would he be the one to abandon the demon? Would he ever understand his attraction to the last being on earth he would have expected?

_Tourniquet. _

Sesshoumaru had saved him, had kept his blood from flowing to the ground. He'd been Miroku's tourniquet. But he'd also been the reason for his brush with death.

"I must find Sesshoumaru," he whispered to himself, striding forward. "That…or I must avoid him at all costs."

_My suicide. _

To be continued…

_Three chapters to the end! Review while you still can! . Livejournal and forums and such are listed below:_

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	9. Imaginary

_Ouch, you readers wound me with the lack of reviews the last chapter received. Yes, I realize it was unfortunately smutless, but can no one appreciate the important characterizations it included? Minus my darling **Seto'swhiterose**, of course . Meh, guess I'll have to make the next few chapters extra yaoi-licious to make up for it. And I must remind you, there are only two chapters left…_

_This chapter uses the song 'Imaginary', by Evanescence and characters from the manga 'Inuyasha' by Rumiko Takahashi-sensei. I own neither of those, for future reference. _

…

_I linger in the doorway_

Golden eyes locked onto their target with military precision, matching the stealth with which their owner moved. It had been nearly a week now, and the monk still had no idea his every move was being carefully monitored by the lustful gaze of an inu youkai. Sesshoumaru remained perfectly still, perched comfortably in the bows of a tree not unlike the one he'd used to watch Miroku bathe a short while ago. He was lucky that the human hadn't decided to seek refuge in one of the many human villages dotting the forest. It would be impossible to track him through one of those without drawing attention.

_Of alarm clock screaming monsters,_

_Calling my name. _

"Miroku…." Sesshoumaru whispered softly, knowing his lover couldn't hear him. Every now and then he felt an urge to say that name, using it as a little reminder for why he was here. He was not stalking some pathetic human. He was stalking Miroku, the oddest human he'd ever met in his long lifetime.

Instead of seeking comfort from other humans or his companions, Miroku had set out into the forest alone after talking with that demon exterminator. From the rambling path he took, he didn't seem to have any particular destination in mind. If anything, he seemed to be merely thinking during all those long treks through the woods, wandering aimlessly until the sun set and he was forced to set up camp. Miroku would sleep fitfully through a portion of the night, then settled into dreams that Sesshoumaru increasingly wished he could witness. The monk would mumble things in his sleep, usually just incoherent nonsense, but the demon swore he'd heard his name called once or twice.

_Let me stay_

Sesshoumaru wasn't certain how long he could stay like this. His people back in the Western Lands were surely missing him by now, despite efforts that Jaken would have taken to cover his disappearance. The toad demon was not the most reliable or crafty of minions, and any attempts he made to hide Sesshoumaru's absence would be seen through in due time. That left the Taiyoukai with precious little time to figure out his purpose.

He knew that Miroku was different from most humans, but what could Sesshoumaru possibly gain from watching him like this? His every movement was not so fascinating as to capture immediate attention, yet the silver-haired demon found himself watching them all. His feelings for the monk were strange to him, nearly unidentifiable. He wanted to walk up to the human and declare himself on the off chance that Miroku would know what to do. Unfortunately, Sesshoumaru was far from participating in such vulgar acts as public proclamations. He preferred to watch from the shadows on the off chance that he would stumble upon the knowledge himself. That, or wait until it seemed Miroku was trying to seek him out himself.

_Where the wind will whisper to me._

_Where the raindrops _

_As they're falling tell a story. _

As if on cue, a light patter of rain began to drizzle down from the billowing gray clouds above. Sesshoumaru watched as Miroku's head tilted up and considered the sky. It was near evening anyways, so the time for the monk to settle down for the night was now. Golden eyes followed the human carefully as he quickened his pace, obviously hoping to find shelter before the rain turned the ground to soggy mush, destroying the fragile flowers that grew in the grass.

_In my field of paper flowers, _

_And candy clouds of lullaby. _

With a flash of invisible motion, Sesshoumaru moved to another tree branch. This one hung directly over Miroku's path. The human would have to travel straight under him if he didn't choose to double back the way he'd come. After so much time spent watching in silence, Sesshoumaru couldn't resist the urge to toy with his lover just a little.

"Miroku…" he called in a voice that was low and rumbling with seduction. In a flash, he'd moved to another branch, one that still had a perfect view of Miroku. A smirk tugged at the corners of his lips as he watched the monk whip around, searching for the source of the voice. From the pink flush in his pale cheeks, the Taiyoukai knew Miroku had recognized both his voice and the heavy lust he'd laced into it. Miroku turned around slowly, carefully scanning the trees. Only after that did he bother to look up at the exact tree limb Sesshoumaru had occupied when he'd called the human's name. The only thing he saw, however, was the violet-gray color of a weeping sky.

_I lie inside myself for hours._

_And watch my purple sky fly over me. _

Miroku looked uncertainly down, and Sesshoumaru chuckled quietly at his look of apprehension. The human was expecting something, and his tension was exciting them both. Sesshoumaru smirked. He'd only planned on playing with the monk a little, but if he kept up that adorable blush of uncertainty, the demon would not be able to contain himself. Once the first contact was made, it would all spiral down from there.

_Don't say I'm out of touch_

Sesshoumaru flew to another branch, careful not to make even the slightest disturbance. Miroku had started walking again, though the stiff way he held his shoulders said that he was listening carefully. Sesshoumaru readied himself for a quick escape; it seemed he would need speed to play this game.

"Miroku, I can see you," he purred, just loud enough for his voice to both carry with the wind and blend with it perfectly. Miroku wouldn't be able to tell what direction the sound was coming from, or even that he wasn't imagining it. Another flash of white movement marked Sesshoumaru's departure. He once again hid himself a short ways away and watched Miroku spin on his heels, gazing behind him bewilderedly. Once again, the monk found himself faced with nothing but a forest in the middle of a gentle rainstorm.

_With this rampant chaos—your reality._

Miroku bit his bottom lip uncertainly. Was he really just imagining it? Was it not real after all? It sounded so clear to him…. He shook his head, angry with himself for acting foolishly. Sesshoumaru was not one to hide in the shadows. There was no way he'd actually heard the demon's voice call out to him.

The monk shivered as a cold breeze blew past. His clothes were now completely soaked with rain. He'd be certain to catch a cold if he didn't find shelter now. The monk started off again, heading toward a small cave he remembered seeing earlier in his travels. It seemed he'd been all over this forest already, mostly thanks to the circles he was constantly walking in. What kept him going so futilely? He couldn't say, but he knew it beat his other options by far.

He couldn't go to a human village without having to con its inhabitants out of a place to stay and food. Normally, he wouldn't mind that, but too much time around Kagome had planted a portion of a conscious in him. He also couldn't return to his companions until he had sorted out his feelings. That left one option: fending for himself in the woods while he thought as hard as he could about his life until this point.

Miroku stopped dead in his tracks. He'd definitely heard something that time. Miroku…I want you. Can you feel it?

There was no way he'd imagined that up. It was Sesshoumaru's voice, talking in the most erotic purr imaginable for a dog demon. Miroku shivered as a bolt of electricity shot down his spine to warm the area between his legs in response. He kept moving again, not bothering to search around him as he'd done before. Sesshoumaru was obviously not willing to come out and play. He couldn't say what the demon's intentions were, but from the hot feeling burning low in his stomach, he didn't think they were bad.

_I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge._

_The nightmare I built my own world to escape._

The cave loomed up before him, dark and dank like a musty world of its own. Miroku shuffled quickly in, setting down his staff against a rock so he could use both hands to pull his rain-soaked robes from his body. If he hadn't thought he was being watched, he would have removed all his clothes, but his own humility forced him to keep his white undergarments on. He sat just inside the mouth of the cave, where a cool breeze battled off the stale heat that had gathered inside from the sun baking the rocks.

Miroku rested his back against one rock wall, both out of exhaustion and out of a need to stem the flow of his paranoia. Now was not a good time to get snuck up on. His head dropped back, matching the motions of his heavy eyelids. He didn't want to fall asleep while he could practically feel Sesshoumaru's hungry gaze on him, but days of travel had taken their toll and left him without a choice. He needed rest. His eyes told him as much as they gradually slid closed.

_In my field of paper flowers_

_And candy clouds of lullaby_

The soft pattering of rain on rock became Miroku's lullaby, luring him quickly into a deep sleep. Unsurprisingly, Sesshoumaru was waiting for him on the other side of consciousness, like he usually was these days. "Sesshoumaru…" Miroku murmured in his sleep, unaware of the shadow now being cast over his still form.

"Yes, lover?" was the whispered reply that Miroku could not hear. The monk was buried too deeply inside himself to know anything other than the dream world in his mind.

_I lie inside myself for hours,_

_And watch my purple sky fly over me._

Sesshoumaru knelt down next to the monk, his eyes roving quietly over the sleeping human. There was no doubt in his mind that Miroku was dreaming about him. The human repeatedly murmured his name in the most delicious of voices, enough to send heat flaring down the Taiyoukai's body.

Everything about Miroku looked positively delectable…and a touch on the forbidden side. He was curled up so innocently, so unaware of his own quiet erotica. His hair had been pulled from its usual ponytail and spread around him like a silky black fan. His lips parted slightly and quivered as he mumbled in his sleep. His hands slowly curled and uncurled, as if clutching the blankets on an invisible bed.

Sesshoumaru imagined that Miroku was dreaming about being in bed with him, though they'd never once made love in such a place. The thought sent another flash of heat through his body. Sesshoumaru's tongue darted out to lick his lips subconsciously. If he couldn't hold himself back, he was going to devour this morsel right now. He wouldn't stop until he heard the human scream into the rainy night.

_Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming._

_Cannot cease for the fear of silent nights_.

Slowly…ever so slowly…Sesshoumaru reached a hand out. He watched the pale, slender fingers as if they weren't his own. They traveled bit-by-bit down to Miroku's sleeping form, hovering an inch above where his light undergarments had slid away to reveal warm flesh. Oh how Sesshoumaru ached to touch that skin. It was so impossibly soft, especially for a human.

"Sesshoumaru…" The demon started as he heard his name called again. Miroku was definitely dreaming about him and calling out his name in response to whatever his dream self was doing. It was in that moment that Sesshoumaru decided his name was sinful it sounded so good. No one could call his name like this human before him.

The treacherous hand seemed to make a decision without him. Before he knew it, Miroku's face was cupped in his hand and he was leaning down far too quickly. An instant before Miroku's eyes would have popped upon, their lips touched. The kiss was hot, searing with invisible flames. It lasted no more than a moment, but its potency would leave them both staggering for days.

Miroku sat up with a start, expecting to see Sesshoumaru leering down at him. Instead, he saw only blank caves walls and falling rain. One of his hands rose slowly to his mouth. The skin still tingled from the fiery touch that had allegedly been there seconds ago. Was that just part of my dream? Miroku wondered. Was it really just imaginary?

_Oh how I long for the deep-sleep dreaming,_

_The goddess of imaginary light._

To be continued…

_You know the drill. You no review, you no get update. Ja mata. _


	10. Hello

_Gomen na sai, my loyal readers! Didn't mean to keep you waiting so long for an update, but I've been friggin' swamped. If you read Unholy Attraction (which most of you do…or should ;;), then you'll know I've decided to post the last few chapters of these fics before I continue with my new ones. Only make sense to get these knocked out of the way so I can put more focus on my others. Four fics is way too many to juggle at once, considering I'm in the habit of updating only once all of them are ready. Hopefully, none of you will kill me for switching methods. By the way, THE NEXT CHAPTER IS THE LAST. Review while you can._

_Without further ado, here's the tenth chapter of my lil Sesh/Mir lovefest, entitled 'Hello'. It uses the song 'Hello' off of Fallen, by Evanescence. _

_Disclaimer: Good sweet Jesus, how I wished I owned it. Alas, life is a fickle mistress yet. _

…

_Playground school bell rings again. _

_Rain clouds come to play again._

"Is this infernal rain ever going to let up!" Miroku muttered indignantly, gesturing at the rain-laden gray clouds above. He immediately regretted speaking as another bout of brutal coughing wracked his slender form. His throat ached with the force of it, feeling raw and ragged. This was what he deserved for walking around in the rain. His worries about catching cold had proven justified indeed. His soaked clothing, dank surroundings, and generally gloomy mood had finally overwhelmed him. For the first time in many years, Miroku had fallen ill.

He scrunched up his face against a tickle building in his nose. He hated sneezing. It never relieved anything and more often than not was followed by even more sneezing. Despite his attempts, the sneeze soon came, sending him into a spasm. The monk groaned as his head throbbed in response to the violent motion.

He sighed, rubbing his hands together in an attempt to create some warmth. He was freezing to the bone and sick to death of this cave. He couldn't even make a fire to warm himself with. Drowsiness clogged his mind like sludge, and goose bumps popped up on his skin faster than weeds after a good rain.

He pulled his knees to his chest, attempting to lock some of his body heat in. The limbs shook as he drew them close, which he was alarmed to find he could barely manage. Miroku's strength was waning fast.

"I need to get out of here," he whispered to himself over the droning roar of rainfall. "I need to get somewhere warm. This illness is only getting worse by the minute. I need…warmth." His thoughts, sluggish as they were, immediately darted to the thought of Sesshoumaru. To have that warm body lying over his, nourishing him, heating his flesh, loving every inch of him…the thought alone was enough to raise heat to the human's cheeks. His breathing hitched with remembrance, altogether stilling in his throat.

_Has no one told you she's not breathing?_

The haze of illness in his veins mixed with the fevered fantasies in his mind. The heat he much needed to keep his body warm was now flowing to his cheeks and groin. The reaction was immediate and potent. The thought alone of that beautiful demon could drive the monk to normally unreachable brinks. He still didn't completely believe that he'd been imagining it before….

"Sesshoumaru…" he whispered drunkenly, "were you here? Did you call out to me before? Please tell me it wasn't a dream…." He couldn't say who he was speaking to, but in his muddled thoughts it seemed a perfectly logical thing to do. His dark eyes gazed out into the pounding rain as if seeing nothing and everything at once. The rain turned the world outside into a blanket of colorless smog. The blurry shapes of trees and rocks morphed into a thousand different consistencies, some he recognized and some he didn't. The longer he watched, the more entranced he became until he actually began to think the shapes were real. He waved to images of his friends, balked from the forms of demons he'd fought, and watched the prancing of mythical creatures. It all seemed so perfectly real….

And finally, the rain and fever combined to shift the images he saw into the one thing he wanted to see most. Sesshoumaru emerged out of the haze, glistening like a porcelain figurine sprinkled with stardust. Some small part of Miroku understood that his mind was playing tricks on him, but the rest was simply too tired and sick to care.

_Hello, I'm your mind, giving you,_

_Someone to talk to._

"Sesshoumaru!" Miroku called out, pausing as another cough raged through him. "Sesshoumaru, I knew it was you! I felt you earlier, watching over me like an angel…or maybe like a curse." He was babbling; he knew it. Miroku would never say such things under normal circumstances. He couldn't seem to stop himself.

Before he even realized what he was doing, Miroku climbed shakily to his feet, supporting himself with a hand pressed to the mossy cave wall. He was whispering underneath his breath, the same thing over and over again: a name that meant more to him than anything else in the world. The fever had finally clenched its fell grip around him completely. Nothing seemed real except the things that weren't real. Madness danced along the edges of his vision, and the same image always remained squarely before him.

"Sesshoumaru."

_Hello._

Rain beat against his clammy skin as he stepped out of his musty sanctuary. Miroku's dark eyes were clouded with sickness, and his pale skin burned with an unnatural heat. He looked like a corpse that had been freshly wrenched from its grave. He stumbled out into the night, aware of only what the fever let him see.

Sesshoumaru was waiting for him, just beyond his reach. He could see the demon standing there, somehow completely dry even in the middle of this torrent. A seductive smirk was fixed on his lips, the one Miroku remembered seeing so many times before. Golden eyes flashed with a hint of mischief that made the human wonder what his demon lover had in store for him.

"Sesshoumaru, I'll be right there! Please don't leave me…." Miroku's voice barely carried over the pounding rain. "I knew I heard your voice before. You were calling to me, but I couldn't see you! Where were you hiding? Why didn't you just come to me?"

Miroku felt tears of frustration stream down his face, mingling with the freezing rain. He stumbled along after Sesshoumaru but couldn't seem to reach him. That smirk was always just a few feet ahead, taunting him mercilessly. A violent shudder raced down Miroku's spine. The rain was like ice, and the roaring wind chilled him to the bone. His fever flared up in response, and Miroku knew every second spent in this tempest was making his illness worse. Even so, he couldn't stop chasing the dream in front of him.

_If I smile and don't believe,_

_Soon I know I'll wake from this dream._

"Sesshoumaru," he coughed out, stumbling forward again. It seemed the demon was right in front of him, but he felt nothing as he reached out with pale, bony fingers. Exhausted, he collapsed to his knees. The effort of fighting back the fever had drained him of what little strength he had. He couldn't fight for his dream anymore. He couldn't even keep his eyes open….

"Sesshoumaru," Miroku whispered weakly as his body fell to the cold, muddy ground. His fingers clenched as if wishing to wrap around his lover's hand. Darkness invaded his vision like nightfall, and slowly he drifted away from the world—a broken china doll lying in the middle of a gray wasteland.

_Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken._

"Miroku," a new voice called out, carrying easily over the storm. Light footfalls echoed through the air as a lone figure approached the monk's still form. "What have you done, little human?" The voice held a surprising note of compassion in it, considering its usual lack of emotion. The figure, clad mostly in white and with long silver hair, knelt down next to the monk, gently cupping his face.

Sesshoumaru's golden eyes narrowed as he saw how chalky his lover's skin had become, the color and consistency of ash in a fireplace. He'd been watching the monk this whole time, wondering what in the world he was thinking by stumbling out into a storm this fierce. He hadn't been able to pick up all of what Miroku had been mumbling, but he'd heard the human call his name quite a few times.

"Surely you didn't come out here in search of me?" Sesshoumaru whispered, more to himself than to the unconscious human that he now pulled into his strong arms. Miroku's clothing was soaked through, acting as a layer of ice attached to his alarmingly hot skin. The inu youkai's strong senses could detect the sickness within him as easily as it could the scent of blood on the air. They both held the same foreboding flavor. Sesshoumaru covered the frail human in the folds of his kimono, as if trying to hide him from the sickness itself.

_Hello, I'm the lie, living for you so you can hide._

"Miroku…" Sesshoumaru muttered absent-mindedly, obvious lost in thought. One long-fingered hand came up to stroke the human's cheek. He grimaced at the fever he felt there, even as he admired the silky quality of Miroku's complexion. This was the second time Sesshoumaru had seen his lover like this, hanging over the edge between this world and the next. This was also the second time the Taiyoukai himself had been the cause of it. How was it that the human still sought him after all the problems Sesshoumaru had brought upon him?

"You fool…" a cold voice whispered, no louder than the tap-tap of rainfall. The demon wasn't quite certain if he meant himself or Miroku. He knew what he had come to feel for the human, in some back corner of his mind. It remained unacknowledged, but that was only for as long as he could stave the feeling off. It would burst through eventually, like torrents of water held behind a spindly bridge for one storm too many.

Sesshoumaru jerked with sudden surprise as he felt fingers curl in his clothing. He glanced down, his golden eyes whirring with anticipation at the thought that his human lover had woken already. His hopes were dashed when he saw nothing but a shivering, sleeping man lying in his arms. A twinge of pain spiked in Sesshoumaru's chest, in a place he hadn't felt anything for a long time. Tears were flowing down Miroku's face, mingling with the rain beading on creamy skin. The demon couldn't say what the monk was crying over in the haze of his fever, but it ripped at his heart to see him do so.

_Don't cry._

Sesshoumaru leaned down and kissed the salty liquid from underneath Miroku's eyes. He lapped it up like a kitten lapped at cream, intent on being rid of it all. Something inside of Sesshoumaru was ordering him to get rid of those tears, to get rid of every tear that fell from Miroku's eyes from that day forward. He would be there for every cut, every rain cloud, every nightmare, and every dream. The realization was like coming out of a dream of his own. Sesshoumaru had finally woken up.

_Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping._

"Miroku," he whispered, more to himself than to the human. "You must get well. There's something I need to tell you when you wake up."

_Hello, I'm still here._

Sesshoumaru stood, cradling the still form of his lover in his arms. This rain would do nothing but aggravate the sickness further. Miroku needed to be taken someplace warm and dry, where he could receive proper medical attention.

A nagging fear that it might already be too late sounded at the back of the demon's mind. He angrily shoved the sentiment away. Miroku couldn't leave him now that everything finally made sense. That simply wasn't acceptable. Sesshoumaru strode further into the dismal gray of a weeping world, one solid destination in mind. With a small smile, he pressed cold lips to Miroku's own. The Taiyoukai would make sure that Miroku lived, that he got to see every tomorrow until they became so many yesterdays. Together.

_All that's left of yesterday._

To be continued….

_As I said before, the next chapter is the LAST. Get your comments in now, while you still can. Ja mata, peeps. _


	11. Whisper

_Damn, y'all, it's time for the final installment of my first-ever song fic! Just as I said in Unholy Attraction, this story turned out so much differently than I thought it would. I intended for this to be a ONE SHOT, using ONE song. And now we have a yaoi tribute to the entire 'Fallen' album. Hot damn. I don't see myself doing any more song fics in the future, but who knows. I've already technically done eleven XD. I hope you enjoy this final chapter, and be sure to leave me lots of heart-melting reviews. The final chapter uses the song 'Whisper' by Evanescence (they have a new album coming out Oct. 3rd ). _

_Disclaimer: I own it not, though I will miss it as much as if I did._

…

_Catch me as I fall._

_Say you're here and it's all over now._

"I'm here, Miroku. I'm here for you," a melodic voice whispered softly into the darkness. Sesshoumaru reached a slender hand forward to twine fingers with Miroku's. The monk's flesh felt as stiff and cold as frozen logs. In contrast to that, his face burned with an ashy gray fever. A soft sigh escaped from between the demon's sculpted lips. It pained him to see the human in such a vulnerable position. In the short time the two had known each other—on the battlefield and from within the intimacies of lovers—Sesshoumaru had never seen the man look so utterly fragile. Even when he'd found Miroku's body in that forest lake, there had been a masculine serenity to him, a strength even in death. That strength was gone now, and Sesshoumaru's heart ached for it to return.

_Speaking to the atmosphere._

Sesshoumaru lifted his delicate chin until his eyes were raised to the level of the cave ceiling. He wasn't certain who he was speaking to, but he broadcasted his thoughts with all the might and power he held within him. _Please let the human survive. There is little I can do for him now, so **please** let him survive. I cannot use Tenseiga on him unless he is dead, and I fear the sword's magic would not work twice on the same delicate soul. Please save this human. _

Sesshoumaru did not stop to question why he wanted Miroku to live so desperately. Somehow, in the mix of all the lust, separation, and yearning, his lackadaisical attitude towards the monk had developed into something infinitely more profound. He could not bring himself to put that something into words, but he knew quite well what it was. This was the feeling that drove his father mad. This was the feeling that seemed to run in his blood. His father had loved the human Izaiyoi; his brother loved the human Kagome; and now…Sesshoumaru had Miroku. If only Miroku would live, Sesshoumaru would fully understand the madness of his bloodline.

It seemed his fate was inescapable. The very thing he'd grown up loathing—the love of a human—he was destined to receive and even reciprocate. He'd claimed it was just an experiment, an attempt to understand the man he'd been raised to resemble, but now the demon knew that somewhere in his heart he'd predicted it all. From the first caress he'd understood what would come from this sordid affair. Sesshoumaru had known that he would find himself falling with no chance of ever hitting the ground. He'd feared it at first, but now he could only pray that the human would live and give him a chance to fall even further, fall until he became just that: one of the Fallen.

_No one's here and I fall into myself._

…

Closed eyelids fluttered rapidly with the stirring of dreams beneath them. A faint murmur reached Sesshoumaru's sharp ears, one he recognized as his own. It seemed his exhaustion had finally caught up with him and pulled him into a deep sleep as he watched over Miroku. He was just barely awake enough to realize this but not enough for true consciousness. Images flashed behind his still-closed eyes, most of which concerned the human lying in his lap while Sesshoumaru's back rested against the cave wall. He could no longer hear the fait pitter-patter of rainfall on the ground, but the air was still dank with chill. He wondered vaguely how anyone could survive in these conditions, let alone a man that was already ill.

Another murmur reached Sesshoumaru's ears as consciousness slowly began to filter through his system. He wasn't usually this slow to wake, but his strong senses gave no indication of any nearby threats. There was no need to rush just to sit alone with the body of his lover and wait in tense anxiety. Sesshoumaru could still feel intense heat in his lap, which meant his lover was most certainly alive. Some of his tension melted immediately away at the thought. If Miroku had slipped from this world while he lay there and slept, the demon would never have been able to forgive himself.

_This truth drives me into madness. _

The one thing that did trouble him was when he felt a strange shifting to the heat in his lap, growing colder in some places and hotter in others. He willed his eyes to open, pondering possible causes for this peculiar activity. Perhaps his fever had gotten worse? Or maybe he'd picked up a new illness? As the Taiyoukai's golden eyes finally cracked open, he became aware of one other strange thing. The murmuring had not stopped, even though his lips were firmly closed. He furrowed his brow, utterly confused, but the moment he glanced down all became clear.

Miroku was tossing in his sleep. The sickly gray color had left his cheeks to be replaced with a soft, healthy flush. Little snippets of half-formed words escaped from between his lips, obviously part of whatever vivid dream he was having. His entire lithe body shifted this way and that with restlessness. Sesshoumaru could do nothing more than gawk at the miracle laying partially on top of him. His lover looked…well. Better than well. He looked clean and healthy and more beautiful than Sesshoumaru could ever remember seeing him.

_I know I can stop the pain if I will it all away. _

"How is this possible?" Sesshoumaru whispered to himself. "Miroku was on the brink of death…and now…" Words failed him as he struggled to understand. It was if his very will itself had driven away his lover's illness. Miroku was well again, no doubt about it, and would likely be waking up soon. Sesshoumaru watched the human with baited breath, waiting for the moment when those shimmering mahogany eyes would open and look upon him once again.

_Don't turn away. (Don't give in to the pain.)_

_Don't try to hide. (Though they're screaming your name.)_

_Don't close your eyes. (God knows what lies behind them.)_

_Don't turn out the light. (Never sleep, never die.)_

He didn't have long to wait, and an immeasurable wave of warmth spread through him in response to those warm eyes on him and a whispered breath saying, "…Sesshoumaru?"

The demon cupped Miroku's face. "I'm here, love. I never left your side."

The monk struggled to sit up, pressing his hands flat against Sesshoumaru's chest in order to support himself. His eyes scanned the cave, as if he couldn't remember where he was. Those same dark eyes grew troubled a moment later, and Sesshoumaru guessed the human was starting to remember. For a moment, Miroku grew still, then his brown eyes fixed on Sesshoumaru with a guarded expression. "What did you call me?"

Sesshoumaru was, to say the least, shocked that of all the questions in the world Miroku could ask at a time like this, he had chosen to ask that one. "Pardon?"

"I said…" Miroku repeated slowly, "when I first woke up…what did you call me?"

It took Sesshoumaru a moment to realize what the monk was talking about. When he finally did, he felt his chest grow tight with apprehension. "Love". Without even realizing it, he had called the monk his love. He had revealed himself with no idea if Miroku shared his feelings or was even well enough to fully understand. Sesshoumaru's face was kept calm and cool while his inner emotions raged. There was no turning back now. He would have to be upfront and hope for the best.

_I'm frightened by what I see._

_But somehow I know that there's much more to come. _

"I called you my love, Miroku." Sesshoumaru's voice was even and steady, belying none of his inner turmoil.

_Immobilized by my fear. _

_And soon to be blinded by tears._

The human looked taken aback by this blunt statement and quickly replied, "Why would you do something like that?"

Sesshoumaru paused for a long moment before answering, his golden eyes burning into Miroku's with unidentifiable emotion. Slowly, he reached forward and took one of the monk's smaller hands in his, folding it quietly. "Because I love you."

Miroku could not have been more shocked if Sesshoumaru had claimed he'd joined a human rights activist group. This was the last thing he'd ever expected…and the one thing he'd longed fro more than all the riches in the world. His heart fluttered madly in his chest as his gaze rose to meet those eyes still burning so intensely into him. Those beautiful eyes that were now looking at him with such profound adoration and maybe a hint of fear. The monk nearly smiled at the thought of Sesshoumaru being afraid.

_I can stop the pain if I will it all away. _

So this was how it would end. The circumstances behind their first few meetings had made Miroku think a day like this would never come. He'd never even dreamed that one day his feelings for the demon might be returned; Miroku had even expected to die for them. He almost had died for them. Miroku had saved him from the darkness waiting over the edge. He'd claimed the human for himself and protected him in more ways than he could name.

_Don't turn away. (Don't give in to the pain.)_

_Don't try to hide. (Though they're screaming your name.)_

_Don't close your eyes. (God knows what lies behind them.)_

Don't turn out the light. (Never sleep, never die.) 

But could it ever truly work out between them? Their differences were profound and many, in both species and character. Nevertheless, an undeniable bind had formed between the two, sparked by lost and hardened by this bizarre emotion known as "love". Neither of them had come out of this the same person as before. Who were they to guess how much they'd change upon entering into the new relationship presented before them?

_Fallen angels at my feet. _

Miroku gazed down at his fingers as they lay laced with Sesshoumaru's by their feet on the floor. Even their skin colors were so drastically different from each other: Miroku's tanned by the sun and vigorous while Sesshoumaru's was pale and lovely, like that of a child or spirit.

_Whispered voices at my ear. _

_Death before my eyes. _

What would Miroku do when he met his friends again? What would he do if Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru fought? To what side would be pay his allegiances? So many questions lacking answers, and so many twisting roads in need of ends. Miroku shook his head slowly, half wishing the gods from other religions would bestow upon him a glimpse of the future. The only thing he knew for sure was the love he felt for this demon was strong and thriving, and not something he could ignore without losing a vital part of himself.

_She beckons me, shall I give in?_

Realizing Sesshoumaru was still watching him closely for a reaction, the monk raised his dark eyes to meet those of his lover. His lips, still pale from the sickness he'd miraculously overcome, twitched up into a shadow of a smile.

"I love you, too, Sesshoumaru." This was truly the end of everything.

_Upon my end shall I begin?_

The demon's face broke into the first true sign of emotion Miroku could ever remember seeing: a blissful grin. Before Miroku could react, Sesshoumaru leaned quickly forward and pressed their lips together, soft and needy. The monk melted into the kiss, pulling his fingers from Sesshoumaru's to tangle them in the Taiyoukai's silky hair. Whatever future lay ahead of them would be faced together: he could taste it on his lover's lips. The place by his side would forever be filled by a tender caress and a loving murmur in his ear. If this was truly the end, then together they marched towards it, hand-in-hand, side-by-side, filled with never-ending love.

_Forsaking all I've fallen for, I rise to meet the end._

The end.

_There you have it folks . I hope everyone is pleased with the ending. Leave me a review if you are; lave me one if you aren't. It'll be my honor to hear from each and every one of you. Until next time, ja mata!_


	12. Chapter 12

The day has finally arrived. **My original m/m romance novel is available for purchase!**

Please allow me a moment to FREAK THE FUCK OUT BECAUSE OMG I'M AN ACTUAL WRITER.

I'm updating a bunch of my fics so that hopefully everyone who's been asking about it will see this. The e-book version of my novel is now available, and the actual, physical book version will be available shortly. I've had a few International fans inquire about whether or not the book is available to them, and I can confirm that it is. You can get it anywhere in the world!

So, my novel is a contemporary slash romance where a young college student by the name of Nikolas is forced to transfer to a private, Catholic university under mysterious circumstances. Despite his desire to remain innocuous, he quickly gets drawn into a dangerous game of seduction played by the three most popular boys at the school, namely the "king" of the Academy, Seth Prinsen. Sexiness ensues.

**If you would like to read my book, here's a link for where you can find it:**

w w w dot lessthanthreepress dot com

I'm listed under the pen name Quinn Anderson, and the book is obviously called In Excess. It's in their Contemporary section.

Sorry I can't link you straight to the book, but FFN's spam filters have become impossible to get around lately. Anyways, remove the spaces, and that will take you to my book. There is also an un-spaced link to it on my profile, and you can always just google "In Excess Quinn Anderson", and it'll pop up.

One final thing, **I'm thinking of changing my pen name on this site from HieiAijin1410 to Quinn Anderson.** I mean, I picked this name when I was 15, and now I'm about to be 23, and my life is in a completely different place. Plus, now that I'm a professional, I want to go by my professional name. However, I'm worried that if I change it now after so many years, it will confuse the people who know me by that name. What do you guys think?_  
_

**As added incentive for picking up a copy of my book, **if you send me a print screen of your receipt or some other proof of purchase along with a fan fiction idea, I'll write it for you! Obviously this is time-contentious, as I have no idea how many requests I'll get, but that's going to be my way of thanking all of you for supporting my writing career.

Wish me luck!


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